Cover image for Love the way you want it : using your head in matters of the heart
Love the way you want it : using your head in matters of the heart
Sternberg, Robert J.
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Publication Information:
New York : Bantam, 1991.
Physical Description:
179 pages : illustrations ; 24 cm
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BF575.L8 S776 1991 Adult Non-Fiction Central Closed Stacks

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Reviews 2

Booklist Review

While the premise of Sternberg's book and the advice given are helpful, some readers may find his exposition sometimes ho-hum. (Complementing emotions with understanding and rational decision making is always desirable but not necessarily a new idea.) Myths such as "Love conquers all" are neatly analyzed, as are the different, sometimes contradictory uses of intelligence in public and personal life that offer little help in relationships. Less successful are his "Lessons on Relationship Intelligence." Based on a reasonable concept, Sternberg's explanation of a "Triangular Love Equation" composed of passion, intimacy, and commitment goes on too long, unevenly combining academic research with pop psychology, with Sternberg's quizzes and summaries seeming to be more repetitious than reinforcing. Clearly written, these ideas nevertheless provide an antidote to love (though, perhaps, more particularly as it is defined in romantic novels). ~--Virginia Dwyer

Publisher's Weekly Review

The authors of this no-nonsense self-help guide want lovers and potential partners to get heart-smart. They posit a factor called Relationship Intelligence (RI), which, unlike the IQ measured in schools, approaches real-world problems as complex, ill-defined and having no objectively ``right'' or ``wrong'' answers. Yale psychology professor Sternberg ( The Triarchic Mind ) and Whitney ( Uncommon Lives ) aim to free readers from false romantic myths, such as the belief that ``chemistry'' decides a match or the notion that sex is most important at the beginning of a relationship. Using mini-case histories, quizzes and profiles of ``masked'' personalities (Blamers, Conflict Avoiders, Controllers, etc.), they guide readers toward becoming ``master lovers''--patient, selfless, never stagnating. Despite its pop-psych cliches, this relationship primer is based on uncanny good sense and shrewd clinical insight. (Feb.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved