Cover image for When parents love too much : what happens when parents won't let go
When parents love too much : what happens when parents won't let go
Ashner, Laurie.
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Publication Information:
New York : Morrow, [1990]

Physical Description:
312 pages ; 25 cm
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Item Holds
HQ769 .A795 1990 Adult Non-Fiction Central Closed Stacks

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Reviews 3

Booklist Review

The title of this excellent book on parenting is misleading, for as healthy parents know, parents can never love their children too much. What this work discusses instead are parents caught up in obsessive and/or controlling "love" that seeks to meet the parents', rather than the children's, unfulfilled needs. Written by two therapists, one a specialist in family dynamics, this highly readable guide is packed with insights gleaned from real-life cases, many of them vividly detailed here. Readers will also find expert advice on ways to cope with or avoid this particular widespread family dysfunction. And adult children seeking to better understand and cope with the legacy of being overparented will greatly benefit, too. Highly recommended. With suggested readings; to be indexed. --Mary Banas

Publisher's Weekly Review

Parents who ``overparent'' can be as destructive to their children as those who abuse or neglect them. In the view of the therapist-authors of this study, emotional overinvolvement by parents, often an effort to control their children's lives, is a powerful, painful capacity that cuts across all economic strata. Adult children of such parents can become preoccupied with self-image and with pleasing other people, to the detriment of their relationships. To examine this type of co-dependency or enabling behavior in its variety, the authors supply case histories that trace patterns of personal and familial dysfunction, e.g., perfectionism, pervasive guilt, and suggest how disabling behaviors can be changed. Addressed to parents and grandparents, as well as adults damaged as a result of often well-intentioned overindulgence, this is a helpful and informative view of an underrecognized problem. Author tour. (Apr.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Library Journal Review

Skillfully using case studies to illustrate how a child smothered with attention can become an adult who has problems with personal relationships, the authors here take aim at parents who love too much. Such parents are obsessed with being a ``good'' parent and raising a ``good'' child and are overly anxious about their child's successes and failures. But overparenting discourages independence, diminishing decision-making capabilities in adulthood. Further, attempts to mold children according to a preconceived image robs them of opportunities to explore limits and often engenders unrealistic expectations, forcing them to see the adult world as hostile and uncaring. The authors advise both parents and children on recognizing and changing destructive behaviors. A solid contribution to popular collections.-- Jodith Janes, Cleveland Clinic Foundation (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.