Part one : Sent -- I can't tell you this country's name -- Interlude : a brief history of the missionary narrative -- Backpackers and wanderlust -- Expats will change the world -- Do not easily leave -- Interlude : a brief history of short-term missions -- The strictest American -- Locusts and miracles -- Long walks on the beach -- The Backstreet Boys and salvation -- Christmas parties -- Solos at karaoke -- Headless in Thailand -- Interlude : a brief history of women in missions -- Further out -- Deeper in -- The impossibility of self-care -- High places (mistakes were made) -- Part two : Stripped -- Home -- "The police were following him" -- Instant messages -- Saying thank you in the dark -- Due to curriculum changes -- Choosing Cambodia -- Why are we here? -- Interlude : imagining other ways of doing missions -- The spirit of Christmas past, and other ghosts -- The killing fields -- Part three : Surrendered -- A whittled arrow, hidden -- Falling in love -- Being the beloved -- Fireflies and honey -- Gethsemane -- Interlude : the missionary -- Speaking faith as a second language -- Epilogue : no longer at ease.