A beginning -- Two bottoms -- The final pig-out -- Embracing the plate -- The part where I blame my parents -- The new diet buzz -- A brief history of things I haven't eaten -- Carbs! -- The cool table -- The gun on the wall -- Reruns -- Telling -- The mushy stuff -- Hurricane sex(ually transmitted infection) -- On dumplings -- Once, more, into the suburbs -- "Your image" -- Someone else's story -- The truer version -- Thirty -- Still thirty -- The end (just kidding) -- The sucker punch -- Ice cream revisited -- Another end -- Discussion questions.