Why we're evil -- Why the right loses arguments -- The joke's on you -- The riposte: how to win with left-wing dirty tricks -- Find the right's Obama -- Discarding your outrage -- How to be a successful miscreant, like me -- Don't be a professional -- Outcompassion them! -- Hijack the language -- Co-opt their grievances -- Link real life to fatuous belief -- Break the scold mold -- Embrace the inner skeptic -- Look like them -- Stop eating your moderates -- Ombudsing your buddies -- How to be right: using metaphors, similes, and other crap -- Say junk that people remember -- Three things always beat two things -- Use your mom -- Be Columbo -- Cross-dress -- Fill-ins for liberals -- Use their silence to speak volumes -- Stunts: or, how an idiotic, absurd act of stupidity can reveal a truth about life and other crap -- Find your inner drunk -- The game at the bar.