Cover image for Scary close : dropping the act and finding true intimacy
Scary close : dropping the act and finding true intimacy
Miller, Donald, 1971- , author.
Publication Information:
Nashville, Tennessee : Nelson Books, [2014]

Physical Description:
xvi, 231 pages ; 22 cm
When fling after fling led to lots of drama and a long series of heartaches, Donald Miller decided he'd had enough. There must be a better way to soothe loneliness without jumping on a roller coaster, to feel affirmation without putting on a show, to find true love. It wasn't just about finding the right girl, though that helped. Once he found her, he had to know what to do or "who to be." A manipulative control freak? A successful workaholic? His usual methods had drawbacks. But the alternatives were not just hard to do; they were hard to imagine. Nevertheless, at forty years old he made a scary decision: to be himself no matter what it cost.
Foreword / by Bob Goff -- The distracting noises of insecurity -- You are good at relationships -- Everybody's got a story and it's not the one they're telling -- Why some animals make themselves look bigger than they are -- Three things I learned about relationships from swimming in a pond -- Performance anxiety in real life -- The people we choose to love -- Control freak -- Five kinds of manipulators -- Lucy in the kitchen -- The risk of being careful -- Great parents do this well -- The stuff of a meaningful life -- Do men do intimacy differently? -- You will not complete me -- The place we left our ghosts.
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
BV4597.53.I55 M55 2014 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
BV4597.53.I55 M55 2014 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area
BV4597.53.I55 M55 2014 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
BV4597.53.I55 M55 2014 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

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After decades of failed relationships and painful drama, Donald Miller decided he'd had enough. Impressing people wasn't helping him connect with anyone. He'd built a life of public isolation, yet he dreamed of meaningful relationships. So at forty years old he made a scary decision: to be himself no matter what it cost.

From the author of Blue Like Jazz comes a book about the risk involved in choosing to impress fewer people and connect with more, about the freedom that comes when we stop acting and start loving. It is a story about knocking down old walls to create a healthy mind, a strong family, and a satisfying career. And it all feels like a conversation with the best kind of friend: smart, funny, true, important.

Scary Close is Donald Miller at his best.

Author Notes

Donald Miller is a best-selling author and public speaker based in Nashville, Tennessee who focuses on Christian spirituality.

Miller's first book, Prayer and the Art of Volkswagen Maintenance (Harvest House Publishers 2000), chronicled the cross-country road trip he took at age 21. It was printed with little fanfare, but it was republished more successfully in 2005 as Through Painted Deserts. Miller became a New York Times Bestselling Author when he published Blue Like Jazz in 2003. In 2004, Miller released Searching For God Knows What. In 2006, he added another book, To Own A Dragon. Don's next book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, was released in late 2009. His title Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy became a New York Times bestseller in 2015.

In 2009 Miller began production of All Things Converge, a series of DVDs for small groups that feature Miller interviewing prominent Christian writers and theologians. The first three DVDs in the series were released in the fourth quarter of 2009.

(Bowker Author Biography)

Reviews 1

Publisher's Weekly Review

More than five years after his last book, Miller (Blue Like Jazz) returns to his brand of telling it like it is-this time about relationships. In a conversational tone, he discloses thoughts about intimacy and how to find it: taking off the masks worn to hide the true self. The personality we show to the world often is that of a performer, created to hide who we are while trying to win approval and get attention, he says. Miller's contemplations come as the result of courting his wife, Betsy, who changed his thinking when it came to relationships with women. Older, married readers might chuckle at the author's description of Betsy as near perfect, but younger readers will relate to the frankly expressed concerns about pressure to fit in, difficulties in the dating scene, and hard lessons learned, some with the help of counseling. Short chapters tackle topics that range from personal memories and experiences to practical advice about factors that affect people as they develop relationships. Agent: Bryan Norman, Alive Literary. (Feb.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

Table of Contents

Bob Goff
Forewordp. xi
Author's Notep. xv
1 The Distracting Noises of Insecurityp. 1
2 You Are Good at Relationshipsp. 9
3 Everybody's Got a Story and It's Not the One They're Tellingp. 15
4 Why Some Animals Make Themselves Look Bigger Than They Arep. 23
5 Three Things I Learned About Relationships From Swimming in a Pondp. 37
6 Performance Anxiety in Real Lifep. 53
7 The People We Choose to Lovep. 69
8 Control Freakp. 81
9 Five Kinds of Manipulatorsp. 99
10 Lucy in the Kitchenp. 115
11 The Risk of Being Carefulp. 133
12 Great Parents Do This Wellp. 155
13 The Stuff of a Meaningful Lifep. 173
14 Do Men Do Intimacy Differently?p. 187
15 You Will Not Complete Mep. 205
16 The Place We Left Our Ghostsp. 217
Acknowledgmentsp. 227
About the Authorp. 231