Cover image for Asperger syndrome (autism spectrum disorder) and long-term relationships
Asperger syndrome (autism spectrum disorder) and long-term relationships
Stanford, Ashley, 1969- author.
Uniform Title:
Asperger syndrome and long-term relationships
Second edition.
Publication Information:
London : Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2015.
Physical Description:
286 pages : illustrations ; 23 cm
General Note:
Previous edition: published as Asperger syndrome and long-term relationships. 2003.
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
RC553.A88 S73 2015 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
RC553.A88 S73 2015 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
RC553.A88 S73 2015 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area
RC553.A88 S73 2015 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
RC553.A88 S73 2015 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
RC553.A88 S73 2015 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

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Happily married to her husband with Asperger Syndrome for 25 years, Ashley Stanford is an expert on how Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can affect a relationship and her bestselling book has helped thousands of couples.

Brought fully up to date, this second edition clarifies the new DSM-5 diagnostic criteria and explains how, without a solid awareness of the condition, ASD behaviors can easily be misinterpreted. Stanford's book provides a wealth of strategies for living with the more uncompromising aspects of ASD, pointing out that ASD also brings enormous strengths to a relationship. It shows how understanding the intentions, motivations and reasoning behind ASD behaviors can lead to better communication, relief of tension, and ultimately to a happier, more mutually fulfilling relationship.

Author Notes

Ashley Stanford has worked as a technical writer for 17 years and is the CEO of a successful computer software company. She is the author of Troubleshooting Relationships on the Autism Spectrum and Business for Aspies, also published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, She and her husband live in California with their four children.

Table of Contents

Liane Holliday Willey
Forewordp. 13
Acknowledgmentsp. 16
Prefacep. 17
1 One Day I Woke Upp. 21
2 What does Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Look Like in an Adult?p. 25
What is Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder)?p. 25
Diagnostic criteriap. 28
Diagnostic Criteria for 299.00 Autism Spectrum Disorderp. 29
Understanding the updated DSM-5p. 36
Is Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) prevalent?p. 37
The adult populationp. 37
Misdiagnosisp. 40
What causes Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder)?p. 42
Is there a cure?p. 43
The adult ASD-linked long-term relationshipp. 44
What it looks like-written by an NT partnerp. 45
What it feels like-written by a partner with ASDp. 46
3 The Full Realizationp. 49
The initial diagnosisp. 50
Reaction to the Diagnosisp. 53
Denialp. 54
The Hidden Conditionp. 55
Is it a disability?p. 56
People's judgmentsp. 57
The ultimate toolp. 60
Kicking the normalcy habitp. 64
The Flip Side of the Coinp. 66
A Paradigm Shiftp. 67
4 Diagnostic Criteria A - Persistent Deficits in Social Communication and Interactionp. 71
What it may look like: Social reciprocityp. 75
Implications and Solutions: Social Reciprocityp. 76
Learning unimpaired social interactionp. 76
What it may look like: Emotional reciprocityp. 78
Implications and Solutions: Emotional Reciprocityp. 79
Give and takep. 81
Forgive and forgetp. 83
The irony of codependencyp. 85
What it may look like: Sharing interestsp. 88
Implications and Solutions: Sharing Interestsp. 90
Isolationp. 91
Intentional hurtp. 93
What it may look like: Failure to initiate or respond to social interactionsp. 95
Implications and Solutions: Failure to Initiate or Respond to Social Interactionsp. 96
Appearance of withdrawalp. 97
What it may look like: Eye contactp. 97
Implications and Solutions: Eye Contactp. 99
Trustp. 101
What it may look like: Body languagep. 103
Implications and Solutions: Body Languagep. 105
Clumsinessp. 106
Executive function and dyspraxiap. 109
The parent-child trapp. 112
What it may look like: Gesturesp. 113
Implications and Solutions: Gesturesp. 114
Mindblindnessp. 115
Reading peoplep. 118
What it may look like: Facial expressionsp. 119
Implications and Solutions: Facial Expressionp. 121
Faceblindnessp. 122
What it may look like: Relationshipsp. 124
Implications and Solutions: Relationshipsp. 125
Bullying/teasingp. 127
Bondingp. 131
What it may look like: Sharing enjoymentp. 132
Implications and Solutions: Sharing Enjoymentp. 133
Sexp. 135
Babiesp. 136
Childrenp. 138
5 Diagnostic Criteria B - Restricted, Repetitive Patterns of Behaviorp. 143
What it may look like: Repetitive movementsp. 144
Implications and Solutions: Repetitive Movementsp. 145
What it may look like: Routinesp. 148
Implications and Solutions: Routinesp. 151
Flexibilityp. 156
Changingp. 158
What it may look like: Fixated interestp. 160
Implications and Solutions: Fixated Interestp. 162
Employmentp. 166
What it may look like: Sensory dysfunctionp. 168
Implications and Solutions: Sensory Dysfunctionp. 171
Sensory pleasure as a crucial part of relationshipsp. 174
Meltdownsp. 179
6 Diagnostic Criteria C - Symptoms Present in Early Developmentp. 183
What it may look like: Language through the lifespanp. 185
Succinct speechp. 186
Little professorsp. 187
Parroting/Echolaliap. 190
"I don't know"p. 191
Metaphors, similes, and other evilsp. 191
Hypotheticalsp. 192
Unwritten rulesp. 193
Implications and solutions: Language through the lifespanp. 194
Successful communicationp. 194
Breakdown of all communicationp. 199
Literal thinkingp. 203
Wording criticismp. 206
Couples communication as a learned skillp. 211
The rule bookp. 214
7 Diagnostic Criteria D - Clinically Significant Impairmentp. 217
What it may look like: Socialp. 217
Implications and solutions: Socialp. 219
What it may look like: Occupationalp. 220
Implications and solutions: Occupationalp. 221
8 Diagnostic Criteria E - Not Better Explained by intellectual Disabilityp. 225
What it may look like: Cognitive developmentp. 227
Implications and solutions: Cognitive developmentp. 227
Creativityp. 228
Unimodal behaviorp. 229
What it may look like: Self-help skills/adaptive behaviorp. 230
Implications and solutions: Self-help skills/adaptive behaviorp. 231
Availability to helpp. 232
Reactions to physical dangerp. 234
Reactions to griefp. 236
Endgame implications and solutionsp. 237
Am I a support person?p. 237
Imbalancep. 239
A frameworkp. 241
Anger-Why?p. 243
9 The ASD-Linked Long-Term Relationshipp. 249
Why did we marry?p. 249
When the veil comes offp. 251
Acquired Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder)p. 252
The caustic mate versus the healing matep. 253
Divorcep. 254
Breathing life into the relationshipp. 256
The ideal matep. 258
10 Help! Where to Lookp. 261
Booksp. 261
Articlesp. 262
Counselorsp. 262
Organizationsp. 264
Webp. 265
Support groupsp. 265
Friendsp. 266
Epiloguep. 267
Glossaryp. 269
Referencesp. 275
Subject Indexp. 277
Author Indexp. 285