Parent panic: it takes you by surprise -- Why now? "our kids are competing all the time" -- It's an animal thing: when our hardwiring goes haywire -- The big takeover: how our feelings pull us to push -- Beyond the carrot and the stick: fanning the flames of your child's inner passion -- Rx for intrinsic motivation: encouraging your child's autonomy -- The how-to of autonomy -- Stand by me: maximizing your involvement -- What do you expect? channeling anxiety into rules, guidelines and information -- Calming down: "that all sounds very nice, but how can I use these techniques when I'm feeling so anxious?" -- Endnotes.