Introduction / Q & A / Best American names for horses expected to have undistinguished careers / Best American beginnings of ten stories about ponies -- Best American first sentences of novels published in 2006 -- Best American new brand names -- Best American six-word memoirs -- Best American personals from around the world -- Best American article titles from the best American trade magazines -- Best American creationist explanations for the world's natural wonders -- Best American new animal plagues / Best American failed television pilots -- Best American names of television programs taken to their logical conclusion / Best American police blotter items -- Middle American gothic / A happy death / Ghost children / Rock the junta / American / What is your dangerous idea / Selling the general / Where I slept / Lotería / How to tell stories to children / Adina, Astrid, Chipewee, Jasmine / All aboard the bloated boat : arguments in favor of Barry Bonds / Love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice / Darfur diaries / Big suck : notes from the jarhead underground / Stuyvesant High School commencement speech / Humpies / So long, anyway / Literature unnatured