Cover image for Married but not engaged
Married but not engaged
Coughlin, Paul T.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
Minneapolis, Minn. : Bethany House, [2006]

Physical Description:
208 pages ; 23 cm
"The authors, a married couple, help women realize relief from false guilt and shame and show them how to engage their 'checked out' husbands with wisdom, grace, and love"--Provided by publisher.
Introduction -- It doesn't have to be this way -- Three forces that make (and keep) men passive -- Roadblocks along the four paths to intimacy -- Emotions of the Christian nice guy -- Gender differences and intimacy languages -- Proceeding with wisdom, grace, and love -- Handling issues of rage, respect, and resentment -- Goodwill, ill-will : how to tell -- More practical ways to nurture intimacy -- Drawing closer to Him, and to him.
Added Author:
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Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
BV835 .C685 2006 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area

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The authors look at how wives can help their husbands become the men they want to be. Practical suggestions include giving him room to grow and make mistakes, helping him understand what fear is doing to his life without comparing him to other men, and never shaming him for being passive and fearful.

Author Notes

PAUL COUGHLIN hosts a radio talk show in southern Oregon and is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy. Paul has been interviewed by C-SPAN, the New York Times, and numerous radio and television stations across the country. His articles have appeared in many publications, including New Man, Faithworks, and Ministries Today. He has also been editor of a weekly newspaper and a radio station program director. A former Christian Nice Guy, Paul is a happily married father of three. The Coughlin family lives in Medford, Oregon. Visit to learn more.

Sandy Coughlin loves hospitality, cooking, and opening her home to others with her husband and three growing teenagers. She's the author of The Reluctant Entertainer and co-author (with her husband Paul) of Married...But Not Engaged. She's been featured on numerous media outlets including Moody's Midday Connection, Focus on the Family, The 700 Club, and Library Journal. You can find Sandy's blog about simple but savvy entertaining, as well as the benefits to imperfect living, at

Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

Coughlin (No More Christian Nice Guy) and his wife, Sandy, have put together this empathetic guide to help women understand the inner lives of their emotionally absent men and facilitate change. According to the authors, the CNG type (Christian Nice Guy) is consistently passive, won't stand up to his boss or parents, and placates rather than connects. While the authors use biblical texts to illustrate their message, it is based on sound psychology and therapeutic techniques. The writing is clear and not condescending; the information offered will help any married couple dealing with passive aggression and rigidity, regardless of religious affiliation. Recommended for all libraries. (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Table of Contents

Introductionp. 11
Chapter 1 It Doesn't Have to Be This Wayp. 15
Chapter 2 Three Forces That Make (and Keep) Men Passivep. 25
Chapter 3 Roadblocks Along the Four Paths to Intimacyp. 61
Chapter 4 Emotions of the Christian Nice Guyp. 77
Chapter 5 Gender Differences and Intimacy Languagesp. 97
Chapter 6 Proceeding With Wisdom, Grace, and Lovep. 121
Chapter 7 Handling Issues of Anger, Respect, and Resentmentp. 139
Chapter 8 Goodwill, III Will: How to Tellp. 157
Chapter 9 More Practical Ways to Nurture Intimacyp. 169
Chapter 10 Drawing Closer to Him, and to Himp. 193
Endnotesp. 203