So you got knocked up? (getting pregnant) -- Honey, your sperm really do work! (pregnancy test) -- Barf-o-rama (morning sickness) -- Niagara in my pants (vaginal discharge) -- Psycho chick (hormonal rage) -- Holy shit, I think I hard-boiled my baby! (taking hot baths) -- Granny panties (letting go of the G-string) -- I can either pee on you or you can get the hell out of my way! (frequent pee breaks) -- Passing stonehenge (constipation) -- Is it a penis or a vagina? (finding out the sex) -- Can I have a mustard sandwich with pickles, anchovies, peanut butter, and a little cottage cheese? -- Oh, and throw a few fish sticks on there! (cravings) -- Where in the hell can I find a muumuu? (nothing to wear) -- Freddy Kruger ain't got nothing on me! (dreams) -- Is that an apple on your rectum or are you just happy to see me? (hemorrhoids) -- Hi, porn star! (engorged breasts) -- Ready and squeeze--your kegels (an exercise for the vagina) -- Well, it's not 1972 anymore! (baby boomers explaining how it was in their day) -- A sewer tank explode, or did you just fart? (gas) -- Hands off, dude! (strangers touching your belly) -- I can't see! I'm bleeding! I can't stand it! (weird and painful bits and pieces) -- Www.ihavetostopbuyingbabyshit.com (on-line baby stores) -- Is it hot in here or is it just me?--it's just me (hot flashes and fainting spells) -- Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oooooooohhhhhhh!--I'll take another one of those, please! (orgasms in pregnancy) -- The crying game (hormonal blues) -- So, anyway, like I was saying--wait, what was I saying? (wandering mind) -- Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest pregnant lady of them all? clearly not you, lady! (face acne and rashes) -- It's a bird!! it's a plane!--no, it's a really swollen pregnant lady! (water retention) -- The McRib sandwich (back pain) -- Headaches (headaches--duh) -- That ain't my ass! (cellulite gain) -- No, not yet! I'm not ready for this yet! (premature labor) -- Poopin' on the table (the dark side of delivery) -- The blue twinkies (your swollen vagina) -- Die, model bitch, die! (hating skinny people -- Ooooh! I think I felt the baby move--or maybe it's just gas (baby kicks) -- Organizing freak (your nesting instinct) -- Breathing for dummies (Lamaze) -- What the fu*k are these? (stretch marks) -- I just need to lie down for, like, five minutes--okay, maybe three months (sleepiness) -- Pig in the pasture (sex in the ninth month) -- The moment of truth (labor and delivery) -- Let me repeat (husband no no's).