Cover image for Wicked German
Wicked German
Tomb, Howard, 1959-
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
New York : Workman Pub., [1992]

Physical Description:
64 pages : illustrations ; 16 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
PN6231.G42 T66 1992 Adult Mass Market Paperback Non-Fiction Area

On Order



From the sneakily successful travel series with over one million copies in print, here is the guide to help travelers gain a foothold in Deutschland. Learn to distinguish between Mettwurst, Fleischwurst, Blutwurst, Schinkenwurst, Touristenwurst, Pinkelwurst, and Zungenwurst. Praise beer like the cognoscenti: "This Malz has a strong oak flavor with a faint almond backwash" and "The tanner, curvaceous Rauchbier displays a fine set of bubbles." Critique Bavarian castles, torment skinheads, and discover all the accepted excuses for backing out of a polka evening.

From the finer points of cultural exchange, such as discussing the cinema ("Why must there be action of any kind in a film? Hollywood's insistence on plot is ridiculous") to making friends in the disco ("I love your black boots/pants/shirt/jacket/hat/lipstick"), this book will make sure no German puts one uber on you again. It's on the Mark.



HISTORY IN BEER Germans make many things well, and beer is among their greatest achievements. Its exact origins have been lost among thousands of groggy mornings and sledgehammer headaches, but this is what scholars now believe about beer's history. c. 20,000 B.C. Og of Url eats a handful of yeast with his gruel and water. He is hailed as the Father of Beer and Life of the Party at his funeral the next day. c. 11,000 B.C. Herman of Villendorf drinks 12 steins of lager in 1.79 seconds, breaking the world record. His Subsequent belch also sets a record, killing 28. c. 6000 B.C. Henrik the Effete, the first beer connoisseur, invents the sip. He is banished to France. c. 1516 B.C. The German Purity Law is written to protect the quality of beer. Anyone caught drinking Coors is spanked to death by a 300-pound barmaid. 500 A.D. Huns descend on Germany looking for riches, virgins, pretzels, and a genuine fire-brewed beer with no aftertaste. 501-1870 Hun celebration 1871 Otto von Bismarck settles Germany's major dispute and unites the nation with his decree on Dinkel Acker Light: Tastes great and less filling. 1961 Berlin Wall erected. East German government bans every brand of beer except Harnburgh. The party appears to be over. 1990 East Germans, hearing rumors about the classic taste of ice-cold Spaten, knock down the Berlin Wall, party nonstop and run up a six-billion-dollar bar tab. Excerpted from Wicked German by Howard Tomb All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

Table of Contents

Welcome To Germany
Get a Grip on German Pronunciation
Guide Talk in the Provinces Linguistic Disclaimer and Exculpatory Protestation
Accomodation, Food, And Drink And Drink
Hotel Existence History in Beer
Beer Hall
Small Talk
Beer Connoisseurship
A Visit to Blitz Your Oktoberfest Emergency Down and Dirty in the Ratskeller
How to Become a German Dishwasher
Daily Life
The Cost of Money
Absolute Wursts
The Wurst of the Wursts
Phone Call for Mr. Kafka
Post Communist
Shopping for Laughs You and the Swiss Army Knife
Getting Around
Surviving the Autobahn Road Curses and Fines Road Signs
The Policeman's Beat
Swerve and Protect Socialism Through Automobiles
Confessions of a Sinner Mid-Morning Express Mystery Train
The Spirit of the Red Baron
The Front Lines
Grimm Tales of the Black Forest
It's All Happening at the Berlin Zoo Castle Critique Crib Sheet to Major German Myths
The Pretty Good Outdoors
Entertainment And Nightlife
How to Pick Up a Rhine Maiden Man or Superman Anarchy Rules
The Words of Love and Pastry Mix and Match Musical Commentary
The Gallant Duelist Escape from Oompa Surviving German Romanticism
Magic Mountain of Marks Promptness Hints Autogesprache
The Inevitable Thank-You Note