Cover image for Fatherhood for gay men : an emotional and practical guide to becoming a gay dad
Fatherhood for gay men : an emotional and practical guide to becoming a gay dad
McGarry, K. J.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
New York : Harrington Park Press, [2003]

Physical Description:
xi, 107 pages ; 23 cm
Closet daddy -- Sacrifices and trade-offs -- My journey to Vietnam -- Being a gay dad -- The adoption process -- Destiny's children -- How much does it cost? -- What are the current laws in each state for gay parenting? -- Other ways of becoming a gay dad -- Big decisions -- Preparing for life with a baby or child -- How to avoid problems and what to do if they arise -- My decision to adopt again -- Life with kids.
Personal Subject:

Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ76.13 .M343 2003 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area

On Order



Get the inside story on a single gay man's struggle to adopt!

Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is the story of one man's journey down the road less traveled--a single gay man adopting and raising his two sons. Author Kevin McGarry recounts his passage into parenthood after years of having his natural fathering instincts stifled by the limits--real and perceived--of being gay. This unique book details the emotional, financial, practical, and social realities of the adoption process for gay men.

From the author: "We take risks by coming out of the closet as gay men and at the end of the day, we are emotionally happier because we took those risks. By coming out, we are being true to who we are. The same goes for anyone, gay or straight, who has gut instincts for parenthood. I knew over the years that I had parenting instincts because I had this incredible envy of other dads. I would watch them with their kids and wish that somehow, I could have that role. It was painful at times because being gay, I didn't think parenting was in my life plan. Had more role models been available to me, the process would have been a little less difficult."

Much more than a "how-to" guide to adoption, Fatherhood for Gay Men is the personal account of a single gay man's struggle to become a father despite the real and imagined limitations of being a gay man. The book looks at the adoption process (domestic and international) from the inside, providing unique insight into: conducting a homestudy costs (fees and expenses) what countries allow men to adopt alternatives to adoption life as a new parent online resources and a state-by-state review of adoption laws, categorized by "Completely Legal," "Favorable Climate," "Mixed Success," and "Illegal" The book also includes results of the 2000 study by Gillian Dunne, senior researcher for the London School of Economics Gender Institute, of 100 gay fathers and fathers-to-be. "Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is a heartfelt and heartwarming story of a father's refusal to be denied a family.

Visit the Author's Web site at

Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

After adopting two Vietnamese infants, McGarry, a gay single man, felt the need to let other gay men know that parenting is possible for them, too. Chapter 1, "Closet Daddy," is an insightful reflection on parental instincts that gays often deny because of their community lifestyle or societal prejudices. The book goes on to cover the various elements of international adoptions: home study, countries that allow single men to adopt, cost, the current law in each state regarding gay parenting, how to prepare for the baby's arrival, and so on. When chronicling his trips to Vietnam to adopt his sons, McGarry uses diary extracts that are riveting and emotional. Unfortunately, the book suffers from many repetitions and, in some cases, contradictions. In "What Countries Allow Single Men," the author lists Cambodia, whereas the preceding chapter does not mention Cambodia in its discussion of the same list. As the book is only 107 pages, such oversights are unforgivable. Jean Nelson-Erichsen and Heino Erichsen's How To Adopt Internationally, revised earlier this year, covers the adoption process in greater detail, whereas Jesse Green's The Velveteen Father addresses fatherhood for gay men with more substance. An optional purchase for larger public libraries or where gay literature is in high demand.-Maryse Breton, Davis Branch Lib., CA (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.