Cover image for Why does he do that? : inside the minds of angry and controlling men
Title:
Why does he do that? : inside the minds of angry and controlling men
Author:
Bancroft, Lundy.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
New York : Putnam's Sons, [2002]

©2002
Physical Description:
vii, 408 pages ; 23 cm
Summary:
In this book, domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft uses his perspective as a therapist for abusive and controlling men to help women, their children, and other family members who have been touched by abuse understand why abusers behave the way they do and what can be done about it. Bancroft teaches women how to survive and improve an abusive relationship; how to determine how dangerous an abuser is and when it is impossible to rectify a situation; and how to get out of a relationship safely. Bancroft identifies nine types of abusive men, addressing different styles, from the physical batterer to the strictly verbal abuser. He dispels the pervasive societal myths surrounding abuse, exposing common excuses used by abusers, such as having experienced an abusive childhood or substance addiction. Bancroft answers commonly asked questions, such as what warning signs of abuse to look for early in a relationship; what is and isn't abusive behavior; how to know if a woman and her children are in danger; and how to tell when a man is really changing.
Language:
English
Contents:
Note on terminology -- Introduction -- pt. I : The nature of abusive thinking -- The mystery ; The mythology ; The abusive mentality ; The types of abusive men -- pt. II : The abusive man in relationships -- How abuse begins ; The abusive man in everyday life ; Abusive men and sex ; Abusive men and addiction ; The abusive man and breaking up -- pt. III : The abusive man in the world -- Abusive men as parents ; Abusive men and their allies ; The abusive man and the legal system -- pt. IV : Changing the abusive man -- The making of an abusive man ; The process of change ; Creating an abuse-free world.
ISBN:
9780399148446
Format :
Book

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Angola Public Library HV6626.2 .B255 2002 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Elma Library HV6626.2 .B255 2002 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Lake Shore Library HV6626.2 .B255 2002 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Orchard Park Library HV6626.2 .B255 2002 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Summary

Summary

In this groundbreaking book, domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft uses his unique perspective as a therapist for abusive and controlling men to help women, their children, and other family members who have been touched by abuse understand why abusers behave the way they do and what can be done about it. Bancroft teaches women how to survive and improve an abusive relationship; how to determine how dangerous an abuser is and when it is impossible to rectify a situation; and how to get out of a relationship safely. Bancroft identifies nine types of abusive men, addressing different styles, from the physical batterer to the strictly verbal abuser. He dispels the pervasive societal myths surrounding abuse, exposing common excuses used by abusers, such as having experienced an abusive childhood or substance addiction. Bancroft answers commonly asked questions, such as what warning signs of abuse to look for early in a relationship; what is and isn't abusive behavior; how to know if a woman and her children are in danger; and how to tell when a man is really changing. Why Does He Do That'gets to the heart of abusive men's thoughts and behaviors, making it a vital resource for victims of domestic violence, their families, and professionals. This empowering book gives women the tools they need to get back in control of their own lives.


Author Notes

Lundy Bancroft has spent the last fifteen years of his career specializing in the field of domestic abuse and the behavior of abusive men, and is considered one of the world's experts on the subject.


Reviews 2

Publisher's Weekly Review

This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming, but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike. Bancroft, the former codirector of Emerge, the nation' s first program for abusive men, has specialized in domestic violence for 15 years, and his understanding of his subject and audience is apparent on every page. One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs, he writes. I would not like to see your experience with this book re-create that unhealthy dynamic. So the top point to bear in mind as you read [this book] is to listen carefully to what I am saying, but always to think for yourself. He maintains this level of sensitivity and even empathy throughout discussions on the nature of abusive thinking, how abusive men manipulate their families and the legal system and whether or not they can ever be cured. Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft' s book promises to be a beacon of calm and sanity for many storm-tossed families. Agent, Wendy Sherman. (Oct. 7) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved


Library Journal Review

Having worked with abusive men for 15 years, Bancroft explains clearly what causes such behavior, describes the nine abusive personality types (from verbal abuser to batterer), and outlines the "warning signs." (LJ 8/02) (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.


Table of Contents

Note on Terminologyp. xiii
Introductionp. xvii
Part I The Nature of Abusive Thinking
1. The Mysteryp. 3
2. The Mythologyp. 21
3. The Abusive Mentalityp. 49
4. The Types of Abusive Menp. 76
Part II The Abusive Man in Relationships
5. How Abuse Beginsp. 109
6. The Abusive Man in Everyday Lifep. 136
7. Abusive Men and Sexp. 171
8. Abusive Men and Addictionp. 191
9. The Abusive Man and Breaking Upp. 210
Part III The Abusive Man in the World
10. Abusive Men as Parentsp. 235
11. Abusive Men and Their Alliesp. 273
12. The Abusive Man and the Legal Systemp. 291
Part IV Changing the Abusive Man
13. The Making of an Abusive Manp. 317
14. The Process of Changep. 334
15. Creating an Abuse-free Worldp. 367
Resourcesp. 391
Indexp. 401

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