Cover image for Infidelity on the Internet : virtual relationships and real betrayal
Infidelity on the Internet : virtual relationships and real betrayal
Maheu, Marlene M.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
Naperville, Ill. : Sourcebooks, [2001]

Physical Description:
xviii, 254 pages ; 23 cm
Prelude to infidelity. Cyber-affairs: lighthearted flirting, hot chatting, or infidelity? -- Love at the speed of electricity: the power of virtual attraction -- Cyber-sex -- Cyber-sexual compulsivity: impulses gone haywire -- The shock of infidelity on the Internet. Infidelity: virtual or real? -- Discovery: real betrayal from the virtual world -- Decisions: to stay or to go? -- Path to recovery. Beginning steps to recovery -- Concluding steps to recovery -- Appendix A: Understanding the Internet -- Appendix B: Emoticons and acronyms.
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ806 .M34 2001 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area

On Order



In graphic and fascinating detail, "Infidelity on the Internet" exposes modern-day cyber-affairs and shows how these virtual relationships are often acts of betrayal of a loved one.

Reviews 3

Booklist Review

How many of the 75 million people engaging in sexual activity online are going to stroll into their local libraries looking for advice on cyber-infidelity? (Surfers whose "activity" consists of looking at dirty pictures probably won't.) On the other hand, cyber-trysts have destroyed enough marriages and other relationships to suggest that a self-help book on the perils of virtual romance will find readers. Maheu is a licensed psychologist and founding editor in chief of, the first mental health site established on the Web; Subotnik is a licensed marriage and family counselor and author of Surviving Infidelity (1994). Their approach is similar to that of other self-help books, full of anecdotes and typologies, checklists and self-quizzes. The authors define cyber-infidelity and analyze the elements that make cyberspace an appealing arena for romance. They describe "cyber-sexual compulsivity" and then concentrate on how virtual infidelity impairs relationships in the real world. The book's final section spells out the steps to recovery from an Internet affair. A cyber-glossary and references are appended. --Mary Carroll

Publisher's Weekly Review

"Cybering," slang for virtual sex online, appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships. The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has tempted huge numbers of people to cheat on their mates. According to mental health professionals Maheu and Subotnik (Surviving Infidelity), a large-scale study in 2000 reported that an estimated 20% of Internet users engage in online sexual activity, and two-thirds of them are married or in a committed relationship. The many cybersex practitioners given voice here demonstrate wide-ranging viewpoints about what constitutes infidelity. People cruise cyberspace for brief sex with strangers or for lengthy affairs. Some believe cybersex is a harmless fantasy, while others acknowledge the harmful consequences that discovery brings and express profound regret. Testimonies of cybering adventures solicited through a self-help Web site elucidate the different motivations that drive people to have cybersex and the obsessive-compulsive behavior that can develop among habitual users. Expressing zero tolerance for people who minimize the consequences of cyberinfidelity, the authors present a program for kicking the habit and rebuilding a damaged relationship after an online romance has been revealed. Although they allow for the possibility that in a climate of openness and honesty, extramarital cybering might be a nonthreatening, permissible form of Internet recreation, their argument that cyberinfidelity is often damaging and addictive is convincing. (Nov.) Forecast: If cybering is as widespread as the authors suggest, the audience for this book could be sizable. But do cheaters actually purchase books on cheating? Sourcebooks apparently hopes so; the house has planned a 25,000 first printing. (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Library Journal Review

Psychologist Maheu (editor in chief, and marriage counselor Subotnik (coauthor, Surviving Infidelity) contend that couples may experience serious emotional harm when they turn to computers to vent stress. By chatting, e-mailing, and viewing pornography, people become at-risk for infidelity and sexual compulsion. Offering revealing vignettes and a sometimes clinical narrative, the text makes valuable points about the importance of communication, the pain caused by any form of cheating, the attraction of cybersex, and the path toward healing. While the book effectively addresses the feelings of the spouse and shows that a cyberaffair constitutes a real betrayal, it neglects to treat the "other man/woman" as a real person, thereby downplaying the transgression. Also, several times in the text, the cyberaffair/sexual encounter is referred to as "fantasy," and the individuals in the case studies often compare the "fake Internet world" with the "real world," further distorting the concept of unfaithfulness. Readers thus come away with a conflicting message. Online infidelity and addiction is better covered in Patrick Carnes's In the Shadows of the Net (LJ 5/15/01) and in a section of Emily Brown's Affairs (LJ 9/15/99). Only those libraries that don't own such titles or need a one-stop source should purchase. Jeanne Larkins, New York (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Table of Contents

Forewordp. ix
Forewordp. xi
A Word from the Authorsp. xiii
Introductionp. xvii
Part I Prelude to Infidelityp. 1
1 Cyber-Affairs: Lighthearted Flirting, Hot Chatting, or Infidelity?p. 3
2 Love at the Speed of Electricity: The Power of Virtual Attractionp. 25
3 Cyber-Sexp. 51
4 Cyber-Sexual Compulsivity: Impulses Gone Haywirep. 71
Part II The Shock of Infidelity on the Internetp. 99
5 Infidelity: Virtual or Real?p. 101
6 Discovery: Real Betrayal from the Virtual Worldp. 125
7 Decisions: To Stay or To Go?p. 151
Part III Path to Recoveryp. 175
8 Beginning Steps to Recoveryp. 177
9 Concluding Steps to Recoveryp. 203
Appendix A Understanding the Internetp. 229
Appendix B Emoticons and Acronymsp. 239
Referencesp. 243
About the Authorsp. 247
Indexp. 249