Cover image for Be loved for who you really are : how the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know
Be loved for who you really are : how the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know
Sherven, Judith, 1943-
Personal Author:
First edition.
Publication Information:
Los Angeles, Calif. : Renaissance Books ; [New York] : Distributed by St. Martins' Press, [2001]

Physical Description:
301 pages ; 24 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ801 .S52445 2001 Adult Non-Fiction Central Closed Stacks
HQ801 .S52445 2001 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
HQ801 .S52445 2001 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

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Based on their 14 years together as relationship trainers working with over 100,000 singles and couples, Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski have developed a truly new and original way to approach relationships. Be Loved for Who You Really Are describes how differences between partners can be a source of understanding and intimacy, enhancing rather than destroying a relationship. Readers learn to recognize the process of understanding differences, and what is necessary to keep lovemaking and romance alive for a lifetime.

Be Loved for Who You Really Are outlines a natural and predictable path that love requires, called the arc of love. Within this arc are four inevitable passages that enable the reader to better understand the challenges and pitfalls they will encounter, and to not confuse conflicts and tough times with disaster or failure.

The idea of a "passage" is used because as love evolves between two people it requires that they face into and grow through a number of challenges. Those challenges are necessary for them to mature in the wisdom of their love and intimacy and in the day-to-day relationship they are co-creating.

The four passages are:

*A Glimpse of What Is Possible, the wonderful time of falling in love when you actually see the per-fection of your partner.

*The Clash of Differences, when your love is tested through the inevitable conflicts that emerge from your differences.

*The Magic of Differences, when those very same differences allow you to be respected and loved for the person you truly are.

*And The Grace of Deep Intimacy, when the passionate wonder of the beginning is now yours, through and through, and your love touches everyone you encounter.

Unlike most relationship books, which are written primarily for women, Be Loved for Who You Really Are speaks to women and men equally. Judith & Jim underscore the fact that men are just as hungry for this kind of life-changing information.

Throughout Be Loved for Who You Really Are , Judith and Jim provide inspiring examples that show how love lives between people, and that differences can actually be the key to the deepest connection being together has to offer.

Author Notes

In addition to their psychological expertise, husband and wife Judith Sherven, Ph.D., and James Sniechowski, Ph.D., have been guest experts on over 700 television and radio shows

Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

A husband-and-wife psychology team, the authors are well known for their show on Wisdom Radio, appearances on TV talk shows, magazine columns, web site participation, and previous book, The New Intimacy. Here they present a blueprint for what they call "the arc of love." They detail the four passages through which real, mature love between two people progresses, highlighting how the differences between men and women can enhance rather than destroy a relationship. Anecdotes from their own 15-year marriage and from the lives of people they have counseled are used to illustrate their points. Replete with suggestions for further reflection or activities, the narrative tends to have a spiritual, New Age flavor. Love is often personified, and a higher power or spirit is referenced throughout, though no particular doctrine is espoused. The section describing the importance of conflict and its place in a relationship includes a warning about abuse. Given the proposed national media campaign, which will include appearances on Oprah, The View, and other popular media outlets, this book should generate demand. For public libraries' self-help collections. Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ., Memphis (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Table of Contents

Our Appreciationp. 11
A Personal Notep. 13
Chapter 1 Why You Can't Fail at Lovep. 17
Passage 1 A Glimpse of What Is Possible Two Become as One
Chapter 2 The Passion: A Taste of Perfectionp. 37
Chapter 3 The Purpose: Beyond What You've Ever Knownp. 49
Chapter 4 The Problems: Fantasy versus Lovep. 63
Chapter 5 The Principles: It's Always Co-Createdp. 79
Chapter 6 The Payoff: You Know You Are Lovablep. 91
Passage 2 The Clash of Differences One Becomes Two
Chapter 7 The Passion: The Initiationp. 99
Chapter 8 The Purpose: Separate and Distinctp. 115
Chapter 9 The Problems: This Can't Be Lovep. 129
Chapter 10 The Principles: The Alchemical Power of Twop. 149
Chapter 11 The Payoff: Love in Flesh and Bloodp. 163
Passage 3 The Magic of Differences Two Become Three
Chapter 12 The Passion: All the Ways You Arep. 177
Chapter 13 The Purpose: Wisdom in Your Choicep. 195
Chapter 14 The Problems: Shadows from the Pastp. 209
Chapter 15 The Principles: The Dance of Differencesp. 223
Chapter 16 The Payoff: Free to Be Youp. 233
Passage 4 The Grace of Deep Intimacy Three Become as One
Chapter 17 The Passion: A Foundation of Gracep. 245
Chapter 18 The Purpose: An Aspect of the Miraclep. 257
Chapter 19 The Problems: Forgetting You Are Humanp. 269
Chapter 20 The Principles: Surrender, Surrender, Surrenderp. 281
Chapter 21 The Payoff: Let Me Come to Youp. 293