Cover image for The relationship rescue workbook : exercises and self-tests to help you reconnect with your partner
The relationship rescue workbook : exercises and self-tests to help you reconnect with your partner
McGraw, Phillip C., 1950-
Personal Author:
First edition.
Publication Information:
New York : Hyperion, 2000.
Physical Description:
xiv, 287 pages ; 24 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
RC488.5 .M3973 2000 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

On Order



The ideal companion book to the #1 New York Times bestseller

Ever since Relationship Rescue became an instant number one New York Times hardcover bestseller, Phil McGraws audiences have been asking for a workbook to help them apply his strategies for change to their relationships. Now, in The Relationship Rescue Workbook, Dr. Phil, Oprah's resident expert on human functioning, provides questions, exercises and self-tests that will enable couples in even the most troubled relationships to get their love lives back on track. And for those in solid relationships who would like to regain their spark, he reveals how to make that happen. He shows readers exactly how to pinpoint problems in their relationships, and how to make sure that the changes they enact will truly last. His straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is advice is made crystal clear in this easy-to-use workbook that is sure to prove immensely popular with his devoted national following.

Author Notes

Phillip C. McGraw was born in Vinita, Oklahoma, on September 1, 1950. In 1968, he was awarded a football scholarship to the University of Tulsa, but he later transferred to Midwestern State University where he received a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology. He also received a Master of Arts in experimental psychology in 1976, and a Doctor of Philosophy in clinical psychology in 1979 from the University of North Texas.

McGraw has had twenty-five years of experience in psychology and human functioning. He is an author and co-founder of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the world's leading litigation consulting firm. His books include Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner; Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside-Out; and Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World.

He was The Oprah Winfrey Show's resident expert on human behavior and currently writes a monthly column in O, The Oprah Magazine.

(Bowker Author Biography)

Table of Contents

About This Workbookp. xiii
Part I Recover Your Core
Prologue: get real--reconnecting with your corep. 3
The Best Peoplep. 4
In a Perfect World, Who Are You?p. 7
In Reality, What Are You Doing?p. 9
Negative Voicesp. 9
What Do You Think All Day?p. 11
The Happiest Time of My Lifep. 12
A Personal Visionp. 12
Act on It!p. 14
Chapter 1 It's your time; it's your turnp. 15
Dr. Phil's Relationship Stress Testp. 15
What's Your Part?p. 17
What's the Payoff?p. 21
A Self-Analysisp. 22
Your Bag of Tricksp. 28
Test Your Readinessp. 30
Project Statusp. 32
Part II Uncover the Trouble
Chapter 2 Defining the problemp. 35
Personal Concepts Profilep. 36
Relationship Health Profilep. 43
General Relationship Problem Profilep. 45
Specific Relationship Problem Profilep. 47
The Relationship Behavior Profile: Your Partnerp. 47
The Relationship Behavior Profile: Youp. 56
Your Relationship Lifestyle Profilep. 65
Relationship Communication Testp. 67
Chemistry Testp. 68
The Five Tough Questionsp. 69
Chapter 3 Blowing up the mythsp. 72
Myth #1 A Meeting of the Mindsp. 72
The "Natural" Fitp. 73
The "Adjusted" Fitp. 75
"Thanks for the Differences ..."p. 77
Myth #2 A Great Romancep. 79
Falling in Lovep. 79
Being in Lovep. 80
Myth #3 Great Problem Solvingp. 80
What Are We Fighting About?p. 81
I Think ... I Feelp. 82
Myth #4 Common Interests that Bond You Together Foreverp. 84
A Wish Listp. 84
Reality Checkp. 84
Myth #5 A Peaceful Relationshipp. 85
The Rules of the Ringp. 85
Simmer, Spew, or Blow the Lid Offp. 86
Myth #6 The Complete Venting of Feelingsp. 87
What's Your Style?p. 87
What's Your Partner's Style?p. 88
Ping-Pongp. 89
Myth #7 Nothing to Do with Sexp. 90
Just the Factsp. 90
Once Upon a Timep. 92
Chemical Reactionsp. 92
Myth #8 You Cannot Survive a Flawed Partnerp. 93
If I Were You...p. 93
Myth #9 A Right Way and a Wrong Wayp. 94
The "Perfect Couple"p. 94
Myth #10 When You Get Your Partner Straightened Outp. 95
Mirror, Mirrorp. 95
Chapter 4 Eliminating your bad spiritp. 98
Characteristic #1 You're a Scorekeeperp. 99
Characteristic #2 You're a Fault Finderp. 100
Characteristic #3 You Think It's Your Way or the Highwayp. 101
Characteristic #4 You Turn into an Attack Dogp. 102
Characteristic #5 You Are a Passive Warmongerp. 103
Characteristic #6 You Resort to Smoke and Mirrorsp. 104
Characteristic #7 You Will Not Forgivep. 105
Characteristic #8 You Are the Bottomless Pitp. 106
Characteristic #9 You're Too Comfortablep. 108
Characteristic #10 You've Given Upp. 109
Adding It Upp. 110
Part III Discover the Potential
Chapter 5 Reclaiming your core--the personal relationship valuesp. 115
Personal Relationship Value #1 Own Your Relationshipp. 116
"Whine Warning"p. 116
Quizp. 117
Personal Statementp. 118
Personal Relationship Value #2 Accept the Risk of Vulnerabilityp. 118
"I'm Afraid that ..."p. 119
"What If ...?"p. 120
"And Then I Would ..."p. 121
Personal Relationship Value #3 Accept Your Partnerp. 124
Inventory 1 My Top Ten Partner Gripesp. 125
Inventory 2 My Partner's Top Twenty Positivesp. 126
The Whine Ratiop. 130
Personal Relationship Value #4 Focus on the Friendshipp. 131
What I Want in a Friendp. 132
What I Am as a Friendp. 132
My Partner as a Friendp. 133
Personal Relationship Value #5 Promote Your Partner's Self-Esteemp. 134
The Honor Rollp. 134
Personal Relationship Value #6 Aim Your Frustrations in the Right Directionp. 138
Frustration Logp. 138
Personal Relationship Value #7 Be Up-Front and Forthrightp. 140
"I Put up My Dukes when ..."p. 140
"I'd Rather Cover Up Because ..."p. 141
Personal Relationship Value #8 Make Yourself Happy Rather than Rightp. 141
Your Righteousness Quotientp. 142
"Just Suppose ..."p. 144
Personal Relationship Value #9 Allow Your Relationship to Transcend Turmoilp. 144
"Or Else!"p. 144
Personal Relationship Value #10 Put Motion into Your Emotionp. 148
Love Actionp. 148
Action Assignmentp. 153
Report Cardp. 154
Personal Relationship Value Reminderp. 155
Chapter 6 The formula for successp. 156
Are You Ready?p. 156
Write Your Own Definitionsp. 157
Job #1 Make Your Needs Known--Your Personal Profilep. 158
Emotional Needsp. 158
Physical Needsp. 159
Spiritual Needsp. 159
Social Needsp. 160
Security Needsp. 161
Identifying Fearsp. 161
Job #2 Work to Discover the Needs of Your Partner--The Partner Profilep. 163
Partner Awareness Quizp. 163
Family Historyp. 165
Relationship Sketchp. 170
Your Partner's Other Relationshipsp. 172
Your Partner's "Attitude of Approach"p. 175
Your Partner's "Frustration Set"p. 177
Success, Failure, and Lossp. 181
Occupational and Financial Concernsp. 182
Mind and Body Issuesp. 183
Principles and Prioritiesp. 185
First Questionp. 188
Second Questionp. 189
Third Questionp. 189
Fourth Questionp. 190
Fifth Questionp. 190
Putting It All Togetherp. 190
Chapter 7 Reconnecting with your partnerp. 193
Negotiator's Tutorialp. 193
Step 1 Open the Reconnection Dialoguep. 196
"My Opening Statement"p. 197
Debriefp. 197
Step 2 Describe the Work You Have Been Doingp. 198
Talking Pointsp. 198
Debriefp. 198
Step 3 Describe Your Efforts to Get Back to Your Core of Consciousnessp. 199
"Who I Could Be"p. 199
Debriefp. 199
Step 4 Talk about the Ten Relationship Mythsp. 200
Ten Mythsp. 200
Debriefp. 202
Step 5 Explain the Bad Spiritp. 202
Ten Characteristicsp. 202
Debriefp. 205
Step 6 Introduce the Personal Relationship Valuesp. 205
Personal Relationship Valuesp. 205
Debriefp. 207
Step 7 Share the Formula for Success in a Relationshipp. 208
"In My Own Words"p. 208
Debriefp. 208
Step 8 Share Your Partner Profilep. 209
"My Opening Statement"p. 209
Debriefp. 209
Step 9 Clarify Your Partner's Needsp. 210
Diplomacy Practicep. 210
Debriefp. 211
Step 10 Sharing Your Own Personal Profilep. 212
The Pot of Goldp. 212
Debriefp. 214
The Next Stepp. 214
Chapter 8 Fourteen days of loving with honestyp. 216
What I Fear Most in this Processp. 216
What I Most Hope for in this Processp. 217
Day 1

p. 217

Morningp. 217
Journal for Day 1p. 218
Day 2

p. 219

Morningp. 219
Journal for Day 2p. 220
Day 3

p. 220

Morningp. 220
Journal for Day 3p. 221
Day 4

p. 222

Morningp. 222
Journal for Day 4p. 223
Day 5

p. 223

Morningp. 223
Journal for Day 5p. 224
Day 6

p. 225

Morningp. 225
Journal for Day 6p. 226
Day 7

p. 226

Morningp. 226
Journal for Day 7p. 227
Day 8

p. 227

Morningp. 227
Journal for Day 8p. 228
Day 9

p. 229

Morningp. 229
Journal for Day 9p. 230
Day 10

p. 230

Morningp. 230
Journal for Day 10p. 231
Day 11

p. 232

Morningp. 232
Journal for Day 11p. 232
Day 12

p. 233

Morningp. 233
Journal for Day 12p. 234
Day 13

p. 234

Morningp. 234
Journal for Day 13p. 235
Day 14

p. 236

Morningp. 236
Journal for Day 14p. 237
Your Mission Statementp. 237
Part IV Aim for the Best
Chapter 9 Red alert--relationships are managed, not curedp. 241
Priority Managementp. 241
"Out with the Old"p. 241
"In with the New"p. 246
Priority Planp. 250
Behavior Managementp. 250
"Who I Want to Be"p. 251
"That Means I Will ..."p. 253
Goals Managementp. 256
"Our Greatest Strengths as a Couple"p. 257
"Our Worst Weaknesses as a Couple"p. 262
Difference Managementp. 268
Difference Checklistp. 268
Meditations on Differencesp. 270
Admiration Managementp. 271
"I Admire You"p. 271
"I Admire Me, Too"p. 273
Letter of Recommendationp. 276
Chapter 10 The doctor is "in"p. 277
"What's the Problem?"p. 277
"What's the Doc Have to Say?"p. 279
Checklist for Changep. 280
Programming Improvementp. 280
Conclusion: a personal letter from me to youp. 287
Letter of Intentp. 287