Cover image for Cross dressing
Cross dressing
Fitzhugh, Bill.
Personal Author:
First edition.
Publication Information:
New York : William Morrow, [2000]

Physical Description:
viii, 338 pages ; 22 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
X Adult Fiction Central Library

On Order



Dan Steele Has It Made.

He's on top of his game as creative director of the The Prescott Agency in L.A., a jaundiced adman who looks at you and sees a narrow demographic-and a very fat paycheck. His identical twin, Michael, a do-gooder Catholic priest, can traipse around the Third World doing all the emergency relief work he wants. For Dan, doing good means having the biggest home entertainment center money can buy. But his life of conspicuous consumption is about to come to a horrible screeching whoa.

Cross Dressing

Just returned from Rwanda, Father Michael is ill, so Dan sends him to the hospital on his own insurance coverage; what's a brother for, right? But when Michael's disease turns fatal, Dan is suddenly facing a prison sentence for insurance fraud. Since Dan also needs to hide from an enraged copywriter whose brilliant idea he stole, the best solution is to take up the cloth and masquerade as his brother, the Father. Soon, Dan is thrust into a world even savvier in the wiles of marketing and mass persuasion than his own: the world of organized religion. What's worse, in addition to the homicidal copywriter and a righteous insurance investigator, a shadowy and dangerous figure from Father Michael's past is also advancing ever closer toward Dan. And then the counterfeit clergyman lands at a run-down mission headed by the good-looking and strangely fascinating Sister Peg, who's determined to help the downtrodden even if she has to pull a gun or two to do it. Try as he might to fight it, Peg is beginning to give Dan impure thoughts about renouncing his vow-not that he ever took one, anyway...

Reviews 3

Booklist Review

Dan Steele is an advertising executive who is up to his neck in debt, with the costly institutionalization of his bipolar, aged mother only adding to his cost of living. With his leased Mercedes, Armani suits, and fashionable L.A. address, Dan looks like he has it all and, as a result, lacks any moral fortitude. His identical twin, Michael, was a missionary priest in Africa but returned unexpectedly to L.A. to begin work with a benevolent, indefatigable nun named Sister Peg, caretaker of a place simply called the Care Center. When Michael suddenly dies, Dan is faced with insurance fraud and has an idea that will solve all of his problems. Hilarity ensues when Dan poses in clerical garb as his brother and begins work at the Care Center. Salvation follows as Dan and Sister Peg strategize on solutions to save the failing Care Center. A modern-day morality tale from the acclaimed author of Pest Control (1997). --Michael Spinella

Publisher's Weekly Review

What begins as an interesting equation of the advertising business and organized religion quickly degenerates into predictable slapstick humor in this somewhat crowded comic novel. Dan Steele, an up-and-coming creative director in a swank L.A. ad agency, is desperate to make partner. Trouble is, his manic-depressive mother, Ruth, periodically suffers bipolar episodes. Dan tries to help, but he's been living extravagantly and he's out of cash, so when lowly copywriter Scott Emmons comes up with the perfect ad campaign for a Japanese corporate client, Dan thinks it's only fair to steal Scott's idea. Scott goes postal with a .44 magnum, but before he can ventilate his sleazy superior, Dan has an unexpected visit from his long-lost twin brother, Michael, a priest back from a mission in Africa, where he witnessed Church and state corruption and tangled with a local warlord, who has left him with a terminal souvenir of his homeland. Dan switches identities with his brother so that Michael can be treated under his own health insurance, but Michael promptly dies and Dan is forced to continue his clerical impersonation to avoid felony insurance fraud. With the trappings of his former life repossessed and the maniacal Scott in pursuit, Dan finds a haven at last at a halfway house, where he meets Sister Peg, a transparently secular nun and antibureaucracy crusader. Sparks fly between the non-priest and non-nun; climax, fadeout and roll credits. Fitzhugh (Pest Control; The Organ Grinders) may have written Cross Dressing with deals in mind: according to the publisher, he even arranged with Seagram to feature their liquor products in his text. While he ably proves his comic wit on the printed page, and backs some of the novel's more informative sections with actual research, this novel is ultimately as slickly packaged and shallow as the industries it parodies. Film rights to Shady Acres/Universal Pictures and Shady Acres Entertainment. (June) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Library Journal Review

Having taken on geneticists in his earlier effortsDof which his latest was The Organ GrindersDFitzhugh turns his gimlet eye almost nostalgically to such tried-and-true satirical targets as advertising, the Catholic Church, and Los Angeles, demonstrating their staying power. Everything is finally coming together for rising advertising executive Dan Steele. His latest campaign (stolen from a colleague) is clearly considered the equal of "Where's the Beef?" Beverly is ready to lead him through the Kama Sutra, page by Technicolor page. It is then that things predictably start to unravel. His wronged colleague goes ballistic, he misses his rendezvous with Beverly, and his credit cards max out. When his twin brother, a Roman Catholic priest, returns from Africa to die, Dan happily assumes his identity only to learn that it's all a matter of image. Before his past catches up with him, it turns out that this slick operator fits almost too comfortably into the new Cat-o-Lite Church ("less guilt; more forgiveness"). Fans of other outrageous caper books, say, those by Elmore Leonard or Donald E. Westlake, might want to sample Fitzhugh. Fans of The Simpsons might keep Cross Dressing in mind during the summer rerun season. For all larger public libraries.DBob Lunn, Kansas City P.L., MO (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.



Cross Dressing Chapter One Crouching behind a truck that was built Ford tough, Dan Steele had but one simple question. "How the hell did she end up with a gun?" The man in the white jacket crouching next to Dan shrugged. "It's L.A. How do I know?" Dan tugged habitually on his goatee as he considered how to deal with the armed woman who had taken the hostage from the nursing home and who was now hiding behind the driving excitement that was a Pontiac. Since Dan's job required him to deal with crises on a daily basis, he was usually calm, cool, and collected when this sort of thing hit the fan, but this was a different sort of thing. Dan seemed to be taking this personally. It was just past ten o'clock and already it was ninety-two degrees. It was going to be another miserable day in the San Fernando Valley, with hot yellow-brown air triggering another Stage Three Lung Alert. Dan carefully raised himself until he could see his reflection in the truck's side mirror. Given the circumstances, Dan thought it only appropriate that he looked like a sweaty cop in a good suit when in reality he was the creative director at an advertising agency. Dan looked like the sort of guy you would see in a television beer commercial, playing football in the background with other guys who weren't quite good-looking enough to be featured in the spot. He had been a swimmer in college and had put on a little weight but had not gone completely to seed. The upwardly arching lines in his forehead looked like ripples coming off his eyebrows, resulting in a cheerful appearance unmatched by his present disposition. His thick, dark hair was styled into a fashionable helmet. With his adequate physique, respectable looks, and not-too-shabby income, Dan seemed to have it all. But Dan, being in the advertising business, knew better than anyone that things aren't always what they appear to be. He pushed his Armani frames up the slippery bridge of his nose, then looked quickly over the hood of the truck. The woman and her hostage were ten yards away. Dan ducked back into hiding position and turned to the man in the white coat. "Okay, here's the deal," Dan said as though he were in charge. "I'll create a diversion. You go for it." The man looked at Dan and snorted. " You go for it." Dan did little to hide his contempt. Who does this six-dollar-an-hour yahoo think he is? Out of force of habit, Dan assessed and categorized the man in marketing lifestyle-segmentation terms: unmarried, high-school-grad, apartment-dwelling, domestic-beer-drinking, TV-sports-watching, lower-middle-class nonvoter. He was a perfect sample from the psychographic cluster those in the advertising business called "Single City Stiffs." And wasn't this present scenario a perfect example of why we had demographic distinctions in the first place? People like Dan Steele didn't rush out from behind cars attempting to subdue armed crazy people. That was a job for rent-a-cops and other ambitious minimum-wagers. Unfortunately, the man in the white coat didn't share Dan's feelings on social Darwinism, so Dan was screwed, Dan cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled. "All right, I've had enough of this crap! On three, we're coming in! This is your last chance!" He waited for a moment to see if that would end matters, but the hostage taker didn't respond. Dan pulled some cash from his pocket and turned to Single City Stiff. "All right. You go that way," Dan said, pointing east. "I'll go that way." He pointed west before handing the man a couple of twenties. The man nodded agreement. A second later Dan started. "One! Two!" FWUMP! FWUMP! Dan cringed at the fat sound of two rounds slamming into the other side of his hiding place. "Three!" Dan turned to the man in white. "Go!" In one swift motion the man stuffed the forty bucks into his pocket and made his move. He was just four feet from the truck when the woman opened fire. The blood red exploded across the man's white coat. He staggered backwards and fell at Dan's side. "Jesus!" Dan hadn't been prepared for this, not outright murder. The man's eyes and mouth were open wide. He'd been hit three times. His breathing was frantic as his hand groped about his bloody chest. "Oh my God! Oh my God! " "I don't believe it!" Dan said. "She...she shot you!" The man's expression relaxed a bit. He suddenly didn't look like someone who had just taken three in the torso. "Wait a minute..." The man probed his wounds, then put his bloody fingers to his mouth and tasted the red. He spit. Dan knew something was hinky. He reached down and felt the wounds himself, "The hell is this?" He rubbed the blood between his fingers, then sniffed. "She's got a paint gun?" The man in the white coat sat up, confused as much as anything else. "She said she was armed. She didn't say with what." The man suddenly grabbed Dan by his shirt and pulled him close. "Hey, asshole," he said. "You didn't go." He was angry. "You said we'd go on three and you didn't go for shit." "I did," Dan insisted, "but I, uh, twisted my ankle." He rubbed the joint and winced. "Ow! I think I sprained it pretty bad." He touched it tenderly. "Might be broken, I'm not sure." "Uh huh." Single City Stiff wasn't buying it. "So now what?" Dan was trying to... Cross Dressing . Copyright © by Bill Fitzhugh. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold. Excerpted from Cross Dressing by Bill Fitzhugh All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.