Cover image for Till death do us part (unless I kill you first) : a step-by-step guide for resolving marital fighting
Till death do us part (unless I kill you first) : a step-by-step guide for resolving marital fighting
Turndorf, Jamie.
Personal Author:
First edition.
Publication Information:
New York : Henry Holt & Co., 2000.

Physical Description:
x, 203 pages ; 22 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ734 .T913 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
HQ734 .T913 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

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A proven plan that breaks the conflict cycle, this book is "mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love"(John Bradshaw).When fighting breaks out between a husband and wife, the husband's typical reaction is to withdraw, either emotionally or physically. When he does, his wife often becomes more frustrated and angry, which in turn causes the husband to withdraw even more. The fighting escalates with each subsequent outbreak. But it doesn't have to. During her fifteen years of clinical and laboratory research, couples therapist Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., has developed a proven program that breaks the conflict cyclefor ninety percent of the couples who use it. She advises couples to start with a series of cool-down steps and to move on to resolution exercises that will allow them to address difficult issues and subjects in a nonadversarial manner.Filled with easy-to-follow advice and helpful anecdotes, Turndorf's book gives couples the advice they need to calm an emotional exchange before it becomes a fight. Till Death Do Us Part offers the path to peace that all fighting couples are looking for.

Author Notes

Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., is a practicing psychologist & director of the Center for Emotional Communication in Millbrook, New York, the town where she lives with her husband. Her website,, receives over 100,000 hits per month.

(Bowker Author Biography)

Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

Turndorf, popularly known as "Dr. Love" in her newspaper column, focuses here on improving communication skills and reducing marital conflict. Early chapters analyze the nature of conflict, including the biochemical reactions of the body to fighting, subjects that provoke continued conflict, and behavior that escalates arguments. Then, before presenting her conflict-resolution plan, Turndorf identifies childhood wounds that may be aggravating spousal conflicts and encourages readers to heal these wounds so that they may concentrate on improving their current marital problems. The final chapters introduce the author's program for conflict resolution, with an emphasis on the development of listening and negotiation skills. Notes and suggested readings follow the text, but, unfortunately, these resources are quite dated; many were published in the 1970s. Overall, this is the worst kind of self-help book: a lot of hot air without much substance. Still, it's sure to find an audience; appropriate for self-help collections in public libraries.ÄKay L. Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills., MD (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgmentsp. xi
Prefacep. xiii
Introductionp. 3
1 Understanding the Chemistry of Fightingp. 7
2 The Marriage Battleground: Rate Your Conflicts on the Marital Richter Scalep. 15
3 The No Fly (off the Handle) Zone: Eliminating Fight Traps and Faulty Conflict Resolution Tacticsp. 31
4 Battle of the Bulge: The Sex Warsp. 53
5 Battle Scars: How Childhood Wounds Cause Chronic Marital Conflict and How to Heal Themp. 64
6 How Your Head Can Be Your Own Worst Enemy: Training Your Mind to Fight for (Not against) Youp. 89
7 The Battle-Ax: How Wives Can Use "Climate Control" Techniques to End Marital Fightingp. 96
8 Listening to the Battle Cry: How to Use Your Ears to Resolve Conflictsp. 118
9 On Furlough: Knowing When Not to Negotiatep. 142
10 The Peace Treaty: How to Negotiate a Contractp. 155
Conclusion: Declaring a Permanent Trucep. 186
References and Suggested Readingp. 189
Indexp. 195