Cover image for Free yourself from an abusive relationship : seven steps to taking back your life
Free yourself from an abusive relationship : seven steps to taking back your life
Lissette, Andrea.
Personal Author:
First edition.
Publication Information:
Alameda, CA : Hunter House Publishers, [2000]

Physical Description:
288 pages ; 23 cm
Added Author:

Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HV6626.2 .L57 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area

On Order



This book provides definitions, case examples, and identifying traits of abusers. It also offers practical advice for managing crisis situations and attaining the finances and transportation to escape abusive situations.

Author Notes

Andrea Lissette, M.A., is approved by the Florida Department of Corrections to train facilitators of state-certified domestic violence intervention programs. She also leads violence intervention classes for juveniles and adults and advocates for victims of domestic violence.
Richard Kraus, Ph.D., is a Florida state-certified assessor for batterers' intervention groups for men and women and has extensive experience counseling victims of domestic violence.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgmentsp. x
Prefacep. xi
Introductionp. 1
Step 1 Recognizing Abusive Behavior
Chapter 1 Identifying Abusep. 8
Patterns of Domination and Controlp. 9
The Domestic Violence Cyclep. 9
Types of Abusep. 11
Chapter 2 Emotional Abusep. 13
Patterns of Emotional Abusep. 14
Emotional Abuse Inventoryp. 31
Chapter 3 Physical Abusep. 33
Patterns of Physical Abusep. 33
Physical Abuse Inventoryp. 35
Chapter 4 Sexual Abusep. 37
Patterns of Sexual Abusep. 37
Rapep. 38
Incest and Other Sexual Abuse of Childrenp. 39
Sexual Abuse Inventoryp. 41
Chapter 5 Social Abusep. 42
Patterns of Social Abusep. 43
Social Abuse Inventoryp. 43
Chapter 6 Financial Abusep. 45
Patterns of Financial Abusep. 45
Financial Abuse Inventoryp. 46
Chapter 7 Religious and Spiritual Abusep. 48
Patterns of Spiritual Abusep. 48
The Misuse of Religious Doctrinep. 48
Religious and Spiritual Abuse Inventoryp. 50
Step 2 Learning About Abusers and Victims
Chapter 8 Recognizing Abusersp. 52
Characteristics and Attitudes of Abusersp. 53
Female Abusersp. 57
Abuser Inventoryp. 58
Chapter 9 Recognizing Danger Signalsp. 60
Indicators of Potentially Dangerous Behaviorp. 61
Potential Danger Inventoryp. 63
Chapter 10 Victims of Abusep. 65
Myths About Victims of Abusep. 65
Why Victims Stay in or Return to Abusive Relationshipsp. 67
Victim Dependenciesp. 77
Mutual Dependencyp. 82
Examining Your Reasons for Staying in or Returning to an Abusive Relationshipp. 83
Chapter 11 Specific Victim Circumstances and Concernsp. 87
Abusers with Money, Influence, and Powerp. 87
Cultural Concernsp. 90
Male Abuse Victimsp. 93
Victims in Rural Areasp. 94
Same-Sex Partnersp. 97
Victims with Disabilitiesp. 99
Abuse During Pregnancyp. 100
Chapter 12 Abuse at Different Agesp. 102
Abuse of Childrenp. 102
Adolescents, Teenagers, and Dating Violencep. 110
Abuse of Seniorsp. 114
Step 3 Preparing for Emergencies
Chapter 13 Violent Crisis and Emergency Situationsp. 118
Emergency Plans and Safety Plansp. 118
If You Leave Home During a Crisisp. 122
Remaining at Homep. 124
Taking Care of Children in a Crisisp. 127
Avoiding Child Abductionp. 128
Hostage Takingp. 129
Stalkingp. 130
Chapter 14 The Legal Processp. 133
Civil and Criminal Courts and Protective Ordersp. 134
Protective Ordersp. 135
Criminal Court Proceduresp. 142
Victim-Related Court Concernsp. 143
Mediationp. 144
Court Advocatesp. 145
Attorneysp. 147
Federal Laws and Civil Lawsuitsp. 148
Step 4 Getting Help After a Crisis
Chapter 15 Getting Help Immediately After a Crisisp. 152
Medical Attention and Evidencep. 152
Support from Family and Friendsp. 155
Community Resources and Sheltersp. 157
Chapter 16 Getting Help for the Longer Termp. 160
From Victim to Survivorp. 160
Keeping Safe After a Crisisp. 161
Money Mattersp. 163
Immigration Helpp. 164
Work Issuesp. 164
Transportation Issuesp. 167
Step 5 Making the Decision to Stay or Leave
Chapter 17 Evaluating Your Relationshipp. 170
The Examination Processp. 170
Restricting Abuser Communicationp. 174
Abuser Assessmentp. 175
Effects on Childrenp. 176
Assessing the Impact on Youp. 177
Examination Do's and Don'tsp. 178
Evaluation Questions for Victims of Abusep. 180
Chapter 18 Planning for Changep. 182
Forming Realistic Expectationsp. 182
Building Alternatives to Abusep. 183
Making Goals and Plansp. 185
Rebuilding Your Sense of Selfp. 186
Establishing Nonabusive Boundariesp. 187
Chapter 19 Taking Actionp. 191
Taking Actionp. 192
The Decision to Stay or to Leavep. 198
Step 6 Learning to Heal and Rebuild
Chapter 20 Healing and Rebuildingp. 206
Grief and Abusep. 206
After Griefp. 211
Healing Strategiesp. 213
Long-Term Rebuilding and Restoration Strategiesp. 218
Chapter 21 Counseling After Abusep. 221
Why Seek Counseling?p. 221
Choosing a Counselorp. 223
Programs for Abusersp. 225
Couples Counselingp. 228
Depressionp. 231
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)p. 233
Step 7 Remaining Abuse-Free
Chapter 22 Precautions for Your Protectionp. 236
General Safety Precautionsp. 236
New Dates and Acquaintancesp. 239
New Relationshipsp. 240
Precautions for Seniorsp. 240
Rape Safeguardsp. 242
Safeguards to Avoid Child Abductionp. 243
Chapter 23 Maintaining Your Life Free from Abusep. 246
Establish and Maintain Financial Securityp. 247
Know Your Legal Rightsp. 249
Maintain Healthy Personal Behaviorsp. 252
Maintain Individual Interests and Relationshipsp. 256
Teach Your Children Nonabusive Behaviorp. 266
Welcoming a Life Without Abusep. 269
Appendix 1 A Heritage of Violencep. 270
Appendix 2 Collaborating in Your Communityp. 274
Appendix 3 A Victim's Bill of Rightsp. 276
Resourcesp. 277
Notesp. 280