Cover image for Our own : adopting and parenting the older child
Our own : adopting and parenting the older child
Maskew, Trish.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
Longmont, Colorado : Snowcap Press, [1999]

Physical Description:
283 pages ; 24 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HV875.55 .M36 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Central Closed Stacks
HV875.55 .M36 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area

On Order



Drawing on the author's experiences and interviews with dozens of adoptive families and professionals, this handbook of older child adoption covers attachment, family adjustment, remedies for difficult behaviors, language acquisition, birth family and cultural ties, grief, and other "core" adoption issues.

Author Notes

Trish Maskew is the mother of three, including two boys who were adopted at ages five and nine. She and her husband also have been foster parents. She is completing a degree in behavioral sciences. She and her family live in Tennessee.

Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

In this thorough guide to the adoption of older children, MaskewÄa mother of three, including two boys adopted at ages five and nineÄargues that there's a big gap between the fantasy of adoption and its reality. While it was once thought that lots of love and a good home would take care of the problems inherent in adopting a child, families and social workers now know that that is not true. Raising adopted children is not the same as raising birthchildren, as Maskew knows, and she offers ideas and advice that are both practical and extensive. She deals with racism, problems around the holidays, disabled and special-needs children, and international adoptees. In a society that still views adoption as second best to birthing a child, Maskew sees commitment and support as the keys; love will come along. An excellent chapter on medical diagnosis and a full bibliography that includes books, periodicals, web sites, clinics, and published reports round out this title. Excellent for all public libraries.ÄLinda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Table of Contents

1 The Decision to Adoptp. 15
Why Do Families Adopt?p. 17
Why Do I Want to Adopt?p. 19
Who Are the Children Available?p. 20
Do I Have What It Takes?p. 23
What Kind of Support Will I Have?p. 31
2 Getting Startedp. 34
How Many Children Do I Want to Adopt?p. 34
What Age Child Do I Want?p. 36
Do I Want to Adopt Across Racial or Ethnic Lines?p. 38
What Disabilities Am I Comfortable With?p. 40
Domestic or International?p. 41
Can I Afford All the Potential Costs?p. 42
Finding Your Child in the United Statesp. 46
Adopting Internationallyp. 49
The Referralp. 51
3 Surviving the Waitp. 56
Losing a Referralp. 58
Preparing for Your Childp. 59
Preparing Siblingsp. 61
Language and Culturep. 63
Preparing the Childp. 64
Now What?p. 66
Traveling to Get Your Childp. 67
Pre-placement Visitsp. 70
The Initial Meetingp. 71
4 The Family in Shockp. 73
The Honeymoonp. 74
Your Adjustmentp. 75
Getting a New Siblingp. 80
There's No Place Like Home?p. 85
Helping Your Child Bondp. 88
By Any Other Name?p. 89
"What If I Don't Love My Child?"p. 91
5 Settling Inp. 93
Sleep Adjustmentsp. 93
Eating Difficultiesp. 98
Toileting Problemsp. 104
6 Grief and Changep. 110
The Stages of Griefp. 111
The Behavior of Grievingp. 112
Taking the Leadp. 123
Anniversary Reactionsp. 124
Holidaysp. 126
7 Behavior and Disciplinep. 127
Marshaling the Forcesp. 129
Trauma's Role in Behaviorp. 135
Common Behaviors and Possible Solutionsp. 136
"You're Not My Real Mom!"p. 149
"I'm Going Crazy!"p. 149
8 Birthparents and Culturep. 151
Talking About Birthparentsp. 157
What Adoptees Want Parents to Knowp. 159
Culture Shockp. 160
Family Culturep. 162
It's the Little Things...p. 163
Retaining Your Child's Culturep. 166
Dealing With Racismp. 170
9 The Core Issuesp. 173
Lossp. 174
Rejectionp. 177
Shamep. 179
Griefp. 181
Identityp. 183
Intimacyp. 186
Controlp. 187
Is Professional Help Needed?p. 189
10 Language and Schoolp. 191
Languagep. 191
ESL (English as a Second Language)p. 196
School Choicep. 198
What Grade?p. 199
IEPs (Individualized Education Programs)p. 202
School and Adoption Issuesp. 204
Great Expectationsp. 206
11 An "Alphabet Soup" of Diagnosesp. 207
Reactive Attachment Disorderp. 207
Attention Deficit Disorderp. 212
Sexual Abusep. 215
Eating Disordersp. 216
Sensory Integration Disorderp. 218
Fetal Alcohol Syndromep. 220
Bipolar Disorderp. 223
Posttraumatic Stress Disorderp. 225
Medication and Hospitalizationp. 228
12 Medical Referencesp. 230
Medical Exams on Arrivalp. 230
Hepatitisp. 231
AIDSp. 233
Tuberculosisp. 234
Inherited Diseasesp. 235
Parasitic Infectionsp. 238
Nutritional Problemsp. 243
Early Pubertyp. 246
Determining your Child's Agep. 247
In Closingp. 249
A Adoption Subsidiesp. 253
B The Immigration Processp. 257
C Resourcesp. 260