Cover image for Teen love : on relationships : a book for teenagers
Teen love : on relationships : a book for teenagers
Kirberger, Kimberly, 1953-
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
Deerfield Beach, Fla. : Health Communications, 1999.
Physical Description:
371 pages ; 22 cm
Combines personal advice with poetry and stories about teenage love and relationships.
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ796 .K477 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

On Order



Love is often a mystery to teenagers - sometimes painful, other times glorious, always challenging. This book will help them understand and sort out their myriad feelings and experiences. Rather than merely offering one adult's opinions or reflections on love, Kirberger deftly combines material from teens dealing with firsthand adolescent love with that from adults sensitive to the special needs of teens. She includes original letters she has received from teens, along with her responses to their questions, concerns and confusion. This blend provides a wide-ranging perspective on love and relationships. It will enable teens to gain wisdom and choose more wisely when making decisions in love and relationships.

This book is designed to guide teens through the maze of love and relationships in a gentle, understanding and compassionate way. It isn't a dos-and-don'ts manual, but rather a how-it-is-in-love guidebook. Teens will come to treasure it as a wise and loving counselor and companion. On the roller-coaster ride of teen love, this is one book no teen can afford to be without.

Check out the companion book, Teen Love : A Journal on Relationships, co-authored with Colin Mortensen of MTV's Real World/Hawaii.

Author Notes

Kimberly Kirberger is president of Inspiration and Motivation for Teens, Inc. (I.A.M. for Teens), a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting and helping teens. She is also cofounder (along with Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Health Communications, Inc.) of the Teen Letter Project, a nonprofit organization developed to handle the overwhelming outpouring from teens in response to the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul series. Kirberger frequently speaks to and in support of teenagers nationwide.

Reviews 2

Booklist Review

Gr. 7^-12. Kirberger, coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul series, focuses specifically on teen relationships in this volume. The lengthy tome, divided into nine thematic sections covering such topics as falling in love, unrequited love, and breaking up, is primarily composed of teens' questions about particular feelings or situations, followed by Kirberger's advice. Inspirational quotes from various people, cartoons, and poems and short stories by teens further illustrate Kirberger's points. This is a gentle, safe discussion of relationships, notable for Kirberger's compassionate and respectful tone. She never dismisses teen love as less important or less real than love between adults. However, with the exception of one brief discussion of how to deal with a physically abusive relationship, she avoids controversy. She rarely addresses the reality that many teens engage in sexual relationships, and she never mentions gay or lesbian relationships. Nonetheless, the many teens who peruse the advice columns in periodicals will enjoy browsing the questions and answers, which raise many concerns common to young people. --Debbie Carton

School Library Journal Review

Gr 7 Up-In a proven, appealing format, the author presents letters based on actual teen queries and provides wise, supportive answers. Throw in some poetry, teen stories, and funny comics and the end result is a title that will probably get passed from friend to friend. There's something here for everyone, though nothing is terribly new. However, many of the problems are timeless and universal and don't require original solutions. More important are the tone and veracity of the advice and information that are given. From concerns about self-esteem to finding that special friend to unrequited love or breaking up, Kirberger, author of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul (Health Communications, 1997), takes on these important topics with levity and respect. Teens who read "Dear Abby" or the advice columns in their favorite magazines will particularly enjoy this book.-Susan R. Farber, Greenburgh Public Library, Elmsford, NY (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.



First and Foremost:You Gotta LoveYourself!Each relationship you havewith another person reflects therelationship you havewith yourselfTo love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.Oscar WildeBefore we get started with relationships, let's take a look at the most important relationship we will ever have..., the one with ourselves.When asked if they like/love themselves, most people would respond with a quick yes. However, were they to examine their feelings further, these people would come to the same conclusion that I have. I am my own worst enemy. I would not tolerate anyone treating me the way I treat myself. I would leave the room or hang up the phone if anyone dared to say the things to me that I say to myself. I second-guess myself, lecture myself, judge myself and sometimes even punish myself. As for compassion, I tend to save that for my friends. At least that's how it used to be. My approach to myself is improving because I have consciously started to change it.The first step to changing anything is to be aware of it. We must be honest about how we treat ourselves.For example:How do you talk to yourself?Are you confident?Do you speak kindly to yourself?Are you secure and peaceful in most situations?Do you like the way you look, act, are? If you are like most of us, you think you could lose some weight, have better skin, have a more exciting life and a smaller nose. We pick at ourselves. We think that everyone else is happy with the way he or she is. We think that security is something other people have, and we are the ones who missed out. Here's a little secret. Everybody is insecure. Everybody judges himself or herself harshly, and everybody struggles with even the concept of loving himself or herself.The good news is that once we become aware of the way we treat ourselves, we can change it. The most worthwhile goal you can ever set for yourself is one of self-love and self-acceptance, Once we begin to strive for self-acceptance, once we realize that we are supposed to accept ourselves, our lives will begin to change before our very eyes.Let's start by looking at some of the obstacles we put in the way of self-acceptance. First, we think love is something that has to be earned. We look at ourselves and say, "I will love myself when I am thinner. I will love myself when I stop messing up so much. I will love myself when I stop being so insecure. I will accept myself when I can be like so-and-so, or I will accept myself when I am no longer the way I am."We all engage in this kind of thinking, but do you see how silly and absurd it is?What if I told you that the more you love yourself the more lovable you will be? The best possible person that you can be ... can only be when you love yourself completely.Would you say to your best friend, "I can't love you until you lose weight"?Would you say, "I don't love you because you aren't perfect. You keep messing up"?Of course you wouldn't. And yet Excerpted from Teen Love, on Relationships: A Book for Teenagers by Kimberly Kirberger All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

Table of Contents

Kent NerburnSara NachtmanChelsea HellingsKelly GarnettMiriam PerezMiriam PerezKatie BrennanKim LlerenaRachel BentleyJennifer HadraKristine LeeAmanda BaileyBecca WoolfBecca WoolfJane WatkinsRon ChengAllison ForsterTiffany StormBecca WoolfJulian ArizonaKelly GarnettOlivia OdomSamantha JosephTammy OsborneBrandy NicholasErin KellyBecca WoolfJane WatkinsBriana HalpinRebecca ScidaNina YoccoAmy OrtegaKara L. BaileyMeredee SwitzerBrandy NicholasSara CorbinBecca WoolfKelly GarnettBecca WoolfBecca WoolfLynnsey GardnerKira BindrimBecca WoolfBecca WoolfBecca WoolfLangley WetzelTiffany AppletonBecca WoolfRachel MillerLauren OlszewskiShelby Woodard
Acknowledgmentsp. xv
Love 1A: Introductionp. xix
Guidelines for Reading This Bookp. xxi
Falling in Lovep. xxv
1. First and Foremost: You Gotta Love Yourself!
Love Yourself Firstp. 2
My Best Featurep. 5
Is There Someone Out There for Me?p. 7
I Am Enoughp. 9
Loving Without Limitsp. 11
Everyone Has a Boyfriend but Mep. 14
I Wonderp. 16
Why Do All the Girls Like Older Guys Now?p. 17
Am I Good Enough for Him?p. 20
I'm Losing My Confidencep. 24
I'm Not Pretty Enough for Himp. 26
Dreaming of Mep. 28
2. Falling in Love
Falling in Lovep. 30
The Perfect Guy?p. 31
Is This Love?p. 35
You Tell Mep. 38
I Can't Open Up ... and Now I've Lost Himp. 41
Stone by Stonep. 44
I'm in Love with Love!p. 47
She's Been Hurt, and Now She Won't Lovep. 49
The Pit of Lovep. 51
My Special Someonep. 53
Help ... I'm Afraid of Falling!p. 56
3. All These New Feelings
All These New Feelingsp. 60
The "L" Wordp. 65
What Is He Thinking?p. 68
My Friend Stole My Crushp. 70
Sisterp. 72
I Have to Choose Between Two Guysp. 75
I'm Unlucky in Lovep. 77
Oh, No ... She Wants to Have a "Talk"!p. 80
This Guy Is Spreading Rumors About Mep. 83
Alonep. 85
I'm a Sensitive Guyp. 86
4. There Is a First Time for Everything: Love Is the Part of Us That Is Real
A First Time for Everythingp. 90
First Timep. 92
I'm Afraid She'll Reject Mep. 93
I Misjudged a Great Guyp. 96
I'm Scared to Kiss Himp. 98
I'm Graduating from High School ... and I've Never Even Been Kissedp. 100
First Kissp. 103
The Kissp. 106
I'm Nervous to Make the First Movep. 108
I Don't Get It: What Is Love?p. 110
Love Is Sweetp. 113
5. Do You Like Me???
Do You Like Me?p. 117
The Boy Next Doorp. 119
What Do Guys Like? What Do Girls Like?p. 123
Illusionp. 127
I Freeze When I'm Around Herp. 130
How Can I Tell If He Likes Me?p. 133
How Can I Tell If She Likes Me?p. 136
We Make Out ... and Then It's Overp. 138
Sweet Dreamsp. 140
Someone Specialp. 143
6. When Friends Become More ...
When Friends Become Morep. 146
My Best Friendp. 148
Help ... I Have a Raging Crush on My Best Friend!p. 152
The Key to My Heartp. 156
The Day We Became Morep. 157
I've Fallen for My Friendp. 159
With Honorp. 162
I Want Him to Be My Boyfriend ... Not Just a Friendp. 163
More Than Friendsp. 166
I Finally Got the Girl--Now What Do I Do?p. 169
Are We Better Off Just Being Friends?p. 172
My Friend Talked to My Crush and Ruined Everythingp. 174
Good-Byep. 177
I Like Her ... but She Likes My Friendp. 178
Identical Friendsp. 181
7. Unrequited Love
Unrequited Lovep. 184
Stupid Horse Jokesp. 187
The Letter I'll Never Sendp. 190
He Doesn't Know I Existp. 192
I Can't Forget Himp. 194
I'm Obsessing Big Timep. 196
No Matter What I Do, She'll Never Like Me Backp. 198
He Doesn't Love Me Backp. 200
All I Can't Sayp. 202
I'm Waiting for Her to Decidep. 204
Help ... I'm Obsessing Over My Crush!p. 206
She Loves Someone Elsep. 210
I'm Obsessing Over Himp. 212
8. Now That We're Together
Now That We're Togetherp. 216
Those Three Words!p. 219
One Minute She's Nice, the Next She's Mean: What Am I Doing Wrong?p. 220
My Boyfriend Treats Me Badly Around His Friendsp. 225
My Boyfriend Loves Me More Than I Love Himp. 228
How Do I Save Our Relationship?p. 230
We Are So Differentp. 234
I'm Tired of Being Compared to Other Guysp. 237
We Just Had a Fight, and My Boyfriend Snappedp. 240
I'm Finally Happy.... Can It Last?p. 243
Paint Your Lovep. 246
I Don't Trust My Boyfriendp. 249
I'm Always Worried He'll Find Someone Betterp. 252
Fearp. 254
The Love of My Life Moved Awayp. 257
My Parents Don't Approve of My Boyfriendp. 259
My Boyfriend Ignored Me at a Partyp. 263
My Boyfriend Pays More Attention to My Parents Than to Me!p. 267
Can Our Cyber-Love Be for Real?p. 270
My Virtual Relationship Is Real to Mep. 275
9. Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Breaking Up Is Hard to Dop. 278
For Zackp. 280
My First Heartbreakp. 282
Untrue Lovep. 285
I Really Blew It, and Now I've Lost Himp. 288
Reunited: A Two-Sided Poemp. 291
She's Moved On, and I Can't Handle Itp. 293
It Hurts So Much to Have Lost Himp. 296
Love Lessonsp. 299
It's So Hardp. 302
I Couldn't Wait for Her to Decidep. 304
Dried-Out Rosesp. 306
How Do I Break Up with My Boyfriend?p. 307
Breaking Up Is Hard to Dop. 311
Speechlessp. 316
We Broke Up, and I'm So Depressedp. 317
Lostp. 319
Where's My Heart?: A Balladp. 320
I Ignored My Friends for Love ... and Now I Want Them Backp. 322
At Firstp. 324
Adiosp. 326
10. Starting Over ... or Here We Go Again
Starting Overp. 330
I'm Having a Hard Time Letting Gop. 332
To Let Gop. 334
A New Startp. 336
My Private Painp. 337
What If I Get Hurt Again?p. 341
Chasm of the Heartp. 343
Footprints in My Heartp. 344
I Just Moved, and It's Hard to Start Overp. 347
I'm Having Fun on My Own!p. 350
Who Needs a Boyfriend Anyway?p. 352
I'm Becoming Obsessed Again!p. 354
In Closingp. 359
Who Is Kimberly Kirberger?p. 360
Contributorsp. 362
Permissions (continued)p. 369