Cover image for Falling in love : why we choose the lovers we choose
Falling in love : why we choose the lovers we choose
Malakh-Pines, Ayala.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
New York : Routledge, 1999.
Physical Description:
xxv, 283 pages : illustrations ; 24 cm
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ801 .M366 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area

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How mystical is love really? Sought after, capable of sending us to emotional extremes from abysmal misery to irrepressible joy, love is often perceived as a force beyond mortal control. Is it as dumb, blind or arbitrary as we often think, and are we subject to its whims? Or do we actually choose carefully, if not always wisely, the partners we do?

Falling in Loveshows us that we both consciously and unconsciously select those with whom we have intimate relationships. Written by a renowned psychologist and couple's therapist, this fascinating, engaging mix of psychological research and clinical anecdotes discusses how each of us can, through successful intimate partnerships, help ourselves to grow as individuals. Each chapter concludes with suggestions for those seeking love, and explains how self-knowledge is the foundation to a healthy, satisfying relationship.

Author Notes

Ayala Malach Pinesis a clinical, social, and organizational psychologist and the head of the department of Business Administration at the School of Management, Ben-Gurion University in Israel. She is both an American and Israeli citizen, and has specialized in couples therapy for many years, with extensive experience in both countries. She has authored ten books, twenty book chapters, and over seventy scholarly research articles. Her books have been translated into many different languages, including French, German, Spanish, Hungarian, Greek, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Hebrew, and Turkish.

Reviews 1

Publisher's Weekly Review

Don't be fooled by the frothy pink jacket art: this is a dense, academic volume. It addresses every conceivable aspect of the psychology of mate selection in late 20th-century America, giving equal emphasis to social and clinical approaches to understanding romance. The book's first half is devoted to an ambitious and inclusive survey of the experimental literature on the general factors that influence attractionÄfor example, similarity, geographical proximity, physical beauty and social status. The second half underscores the relevance of early childhood experiences with and between one's parents in understanding one's attraction to specific persons. Recent clinical theories suggest that we are attracted to persons who are in some critical way similar to our parents and who have the potential to directly stimulate, and thus heal, old childhood wounds. Pines also offers advice to those seeking love. But she does a far better job of educating readers than advising them. Although founded in scientific evidence, her suggestions are brief and simplistic ("try to be in a good mood when you meet new people") and appear to have been tacked on to the end of each chapter simply to appeal to the self-help reader. Though Pine is at her best when laying out complex theoriesÄaccurately referring to the original research studies on which her assertions and conclusions are basedÄand the material is intellectually stimulating, reading it feels like work. Ten-city tour. (Sept.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Table of Contents

About Falling in Love and About this Book
Part I Conscious Romantic Choices, Increasing the Likelihood of Falling in Love
Proximity, the Hidden Matchmaker
Adrenalin, The Elixir of Love
Beauty and Character
Birds of a Feather or Opposites Attract? Reciprocating Love and Satisfying Needs, We Love Those Who Love Us
The Course of Romantic Love, Falling in Love as a Process
On Men, Women, and Love, The Role of Status and Beauty
Part II Unconscious Romantic Choices, Our Romantic Attraction Code
Openness to Love
The Son Falls in Love with "Mother," The Daughter with "Father". The Unconscious Romantic Image
Four Stories
Part III Romantic Love in Long Term Relationships
How to Turn Love Problems into Opportunities for Growth
Love and Work: The Relationships Between their Unconscious Choices
I Romantic Choices Workshops
II Analyzing a Romantic Relationship
III Research Findings
About the Author
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