Cover image for The smart divorce
Title:
The smart divorce
Author:
Goldstein, Susan T.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
New York : Golden Books, [1999]

©1999
Physical Description:
169 pages ; 21 cm
Language:
English
Added Author:
ISBN:
9781582380476
Format :
Book

Available:*

Library
Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Status
Central Library HQ834 .G663 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Central Closed Stacks
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Central Library HQ834 .G663 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Non-Fiction Area
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Eden Library HQ834 .G663 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Grand Island Library HQ834 .G663 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Lancaster Library HQ834 .G663 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Anna M. Reinstein Library HQ834 .G663 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
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Summary

Summary

When a person is thinking about divorce, he or she needs a reliable source for information that can keep it from becoming an expensive, heart-rending mess. In their years as Beverly Hills divorce attorneys, Susan T. Goldstein and Valerie H. Colb had been opposing counsel and had represented some of the same clients. One day they compared notes and found that more and more people were coming to them before they filed for divorce, asking, Isnt there something I can read? The authors decided to write a book to give these people insight into what to do and what not to do; what to fear and what not to fear; what is reality and what is misconception.


Reviews 2

Booklist Review

Self-help books are the rave, and those that help people through the night are at the top of publishers' lists. In a 1986 cover story, Newsweek reassured women 40 and over that they had a greater chance of being kidnapped by terrorists than of finding a husband. For those women who have yet to be kidnapped by terrorists and want to know the current outlook for marriage, Getting Married after 40 provides some proof that there are women who have beaten the odds. Dubbed by the author as the "Marriage 100," women from ages 40 to 73 gave reporter Anthony insights into how they met their husbands, how they're dealing with such issues as stepchildren and finances, and how they changed their lives by refusing to be statistics. The "Marriage 100" include the never married before, the divorced, and the widowed. A common theme among the women is their need to first get a life and find out who they are before seeking a partner. Yet, what they most have in common is a desire not to be alone in the second half of their lives. Are there certain patterns that affect the dynamics of both intimate and nonintimate relationships between individuals? According to Garett, a psychologist, and Rose, a psychotherapist, the answer is yes. Relationships are either fraught with misery or coexist peacefully if not dynamically or are mutually satisfying, depending on the relationship styles of the participants. There are three relationship styles: the director, the isolator, and the accommodator. Within these styles certain patterns of behavior emerge that, once understood, can be modified or controlled to produce more satisfying partnerships with others. The authors explore the relationship styles among individuals, within marriage and in the working world. One wishes for more examples to buttress their ideas, but this is an interesting theory to begin exploring. Those who have made the decision to divorce may find the simplest subsequent decision overwhelming. Although the need to contact a lawyer may seem obvious, other necessities, such as getting financial records in order or withdrawing some money from joint accounts, are less so. The Smart Divorce describes both the do's and the don'ts of divorce in the framework of the entire divorce process, which begins with selecting a lawyer and ends with the aftermath, including working with the former spouse on visitation and moving on as a single person. By describing what those divorcing should do as well as what they should avoid, the authors provide a clear view of some of the most common and easily repeated mistakes some divorcing couples make because the heat generated by an acrimonious divorce makes clear thinking difficult. Every year many women will find themselves "starting over" after years of marriage. Becoming suddenly single, whether recently widowed or divorced, can be a shock to the system that can take years to recover from. Jaycox's helpful book is aimed mainly at women over 40 who must restructure their lives after being married for a number of years. In a chapter titled "Facing the Chasm," newly single women are counseled to grieve before attempting to move on. The practical issues of dealing with lawyers and becoming financially independent are thoroughly explored. For those women who have either been homemakers or who have not worked outside the home in years, there is a valuable chapter on jump-starting a career. All in all, this is a practical tool for newly single women who need guidance to survive and thrive on their own. To those going through a divorce, using the same twelve-step program prescribed for alcoholics may seem pretty strange. However, the idea becomes less farfetched when you view divorce as a painful trauma, requiring a process of recovery in order to move on. Thus, the first step, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol" becomes "We admitted we were powerless over others." Like her counterparts in AA, McWade firmly advises starting a divorce support group rather than going it alone. She gives detailed information on launching one. Other tools for the "journey" of recovery include laughter, helping others, and daily reflection. Of particular interest are the brief stories of participants in divorce support groups who describe the steps that helped them the most. This book proposes a unique but not new approach to the process of letting go, recovering from a divorce, and moving on. --Marlene Chamberlain


Library Journal Review

Goldstein and Colb are experienced family law attorneys whose stated purpose is to prepare readers for the personal, financial, and emotional upheaval of divorce. They provide chapters on what to expect, the legal process, protecting the children, selecting an attorney, common pitfalls, behaviors to avoid, and mediation. The authors offer guidance on what to do about joint bank accounts, working out visitation arrangements, and whether to move out of the house when a divorce is contemplated. Their advice is frank and written in plain English. This is an agreeable starting place for those just thinking about a divorce. A more detailed choice is Margorie Engels Divorce Help Sourcebook (Gale, 1994), which includes grounds for divorce in every state, citations to related publications, and lists of organizations that can provide information and support. Also worth considering is Divorce for Dummies (IDG, 1998), a compilation of checklists and references to other resources, especially the Internet.Joan Pedzich, Harris Beach & Wilcox, Rochester, NY (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.


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