Cover image for Feel this book : an essential guide to self-empowerment, spiritual supremacy, and sexual satisfaction
Feel this book : an essential guide to self-empowerment, spiritual supremacy, and sexual satisfaction
Garofalo, Janeane.
Personal Author:
First edition.
Publication Information:
New York : Ballantine Books, 1999.
Physical Description:
215 pages ; 22 cm
Added Author:
Format :


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Material Type
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PN6231.M45 G38 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Central Closed Stacks
PN6231.M45 G38 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf
PN6231.M45 G38 1999 Adult Non-Fiction Open Shelf

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Tackle the tough questions: -- Is love necessary?-- How can I make money off my spouse?-- Why can't I sleep around and still love you?-- How many times have you told your significant other that you would pick up something for dinner on your way home from the office, and next thing you know you're at an all-night eatery with some hermaphrodite you found on the strip, having eggs and bacon at three in the morning?

Author Notes

Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo are currently touring the world, bringing their unique message of enlightenment and hope to seekers everywhere.

Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

Two top performers answer questions like, Is love necessary? (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.



This book was written in an attempt to share with you certain ideas and concepts that we, as entertainers and people-who-are-in-touch-with-ourselves, have developed over the years. Just as swallowing an entire jug of elderberry wine would make you sick and nauseous, yet a few sips with dinner brings a warm happy glow, so, too, it is with this book. Trying to ingest it all in one sitting--though possible--is not advised. There are too many subtle nuances, tender touches, and hidden messages to be gleaned from a single reading. Instead, we urge you to pour over this manual, reading and rereading certain sections if they make no sense to you, or if they seem unclear. Chances are if there is something you don't understand, it's because it is something you need to understand. If we have used a word that is too big or complicated, get your butt off the toilet and pick up a dictionary. (Or consult Janeane's very helpful glossary on pages 205-210.) Make it your business to make this book part of the fabric of your everyday life. The ideas and concepts espoused within do work--you just have to embrace them. Only by lovingly wrapping your arms around them and rubbing up real close--close enough that the ideas can feel you breathing on them--will you gain their true benefits. While we have written this book in the simplest way possible (and if we have done our job right, it will seem simplistic and obvious), it is far from that. As with any document or theory dealing with the human psyche, one must be very careful what one says and suggests, as we are all fragile beings who are easily influenced and manipulated. Both of us have gone to great pains to make sure that we have not knowingly abused that privilege. We are professionals. Though not specifically professionals in the fields of "psychology" or "psychiatry," we are both highly paid actors and comedians, and as such know more about neuroses than you could possibly hope to imagine. Feel like spreading the word? Go out and buy ten copies and give 'em to your best friends. Better yet, buy ten more and lay them on your worst enemy. Didn't Jesus say something about loving people you hate, or who hate you (or something)? Writing this has been nothing less than COMPLETELY TRANSFORMATIONAL for us. All that is left is for you to completely transform yourself and everyone who you have a speaking relationship with, by exposing them to the concepts waiting within these pages. As you continue on, be fearless--change is not something you need to ride the bus--and know that by the very act of just picking up this book, just looking at it across a crowded bookstore and deciding to impulse buy it, you have sent a resounding beacon to the universe. And it's a message louder than the loudest Metallica concert and clearer than the clearest waters of the Carib-bean Sea. What is that message? Turn the page, and let the adventure begin. Excerpted from Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy and Sexual Satisfaction by Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

Table of Contents

Is Love Necessary?p. 1
Why Do I Hate You So Much?p. 15
How Can I Make Money of My Spouse?p. 23
Compassion--Is It Overrated?p. 42
The Six Laws of Spiritual Successp. 71
The Fourteen Bylaws of Spiritual Awakeningp. 98
Twenty-Three Addendums and Sublaws Regarding Anything Spiritual and Successfulp. 121
The "Johnny Appleseed" Syndromep. 145
Eight Dumbass Ways We Fuck Ourselves Upp. 173
Men Who Actually Marry Their Mothersp. 197
Letting Go of Everything You Fear--It's Scary!p. 214
Learning to Crawlp. 229
Emotional Ice Hockeyp. 245
Do You Even Deserve a Relationship?p. 253
Maybe I'm So Psychologically Damaged That I Need Professional Help That a Book Won't Solvep. 267
Role-Playing, or "But I'm Not You and I Never Will Be--Thank God!"p. 285
Allowing God into Your Lifep. 293
Conferencing with Godp. 305
Negotiating with God for What You Want--and Getting It!p. 316
But I Don't Wanna Be Happy--Waa! Waa!p. 323
Is a Partner Always Necessary?p. 328
The Spear and the Shieldp. 340
Orgasm, Schmorgasm!p. 351
[The Penis or the Pickle]p. 356
Monogamy--Is It for You?p. 363
Why Can't I Sleep Around and Still Love You?p. 367
How to Fake an Orgasm to Show Your Love, or The Art of the Squealp. 372
Male Orgasm Fakingp. 379
Drawing Up a "Sexual Constitution"p. 380
Intimacy Does Not Always Have to Go Along with Sexp. 388
"Getting Your Rocks off" Can Start an Avalanchep. 393
Pros and (Very Few) Cons of a Third Party in the Bedroomp. 399
Fantasy and Reality ... and Hookersp. 408
How to Get Your Partner off ... the Dimep. 413
I Wish His Penis Were as Big as His Heartp. 416
I Wish I Could Actually Think of Her Even Once During Masturbationp. 419
Why Do I Have to Picture Our Maid Watching Us to Achieve Orgasm?p. 421