Cover image for Bringing up kids without tearing them down
Bringing up kids without tearing them down
Leman, Kevin.
Personal Author:
Publication Information:
Colorado Springs, Colo. : Focus on the Family, [1995]

Physical Description:
xii, 353 pages ; 23 cm
General Note:
Originally published: New York, N.Y. : Delacorte Press, 1993.
Format :


Call Number
Material Type
Home Location
Item Holds
HQ769 .L37 1995 Adult Non-Fiction Parenting

On Order



Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down is packed with real life examples and the tools parents need to underwrite their kids' lives with a solid sense of self-worth and confidence. Often the very things parents do to develop self-esteem in their children does just the opposite. Dr. Leman helps parents avoid that. Some of the topics addressed are "Oh, no, I told myself I would never do that to my kids." There is a crucial difference between praise and encouragement, and "how to raise responsible children". Readers will learn to develop a strategy of discipline that works in any family with any child and how to get the best behavior from each child. At the end of each chapter, readers will find steps to follow in their own families plus self-evaluating questions that help them gain insight into their own parenting style. There is also a question-and-answer section to quickly reference specific problem areas.

Reviews 2

Publisher's Weekly Review

It's possible to raise happy, self-confident children while also letting them know you're the boss, stresses Leman ( Keeping Your Family Together When the World Is Falling Apart ) in this parenting guide. He explains why self-image is so vital to children, as well as how to provide them with ``image insurance'' that will last a lifetime, starting with the ``A-B-C's'' of self-worth (acceptance, belonging, confidence). Leman argues that parents can help kids learn responsibility and build self-esteem through encouragement rather than praise, action rather than words, and natural consequences rather than punishment (``If you miss dinner again, you won't get any when you get home''). He also discusses four causes of misbehavior--the need to gain attention, assert control, avoid pressure and seek revenge--and shows how these can be contained. While Leman does not generally condone corporal punishment, he does advocate spanking (one or two swats on the backside) as a last resort. Anecdotes from his own experience as a father illustrate his points and warm the book. The last portion is an extensive question-and-answer section about toddlers, chidlren over five and adolescents. Author tour. (May) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Library Journal Review

Leman, author of Keeping Your Family Together When the World Is Falling Apart ( LJ 2/15/92), here offers practical advice on raising children to be an integral part of the family while keeping their self-esteem intact and healthy. He advocates the use of reality discipline, where the consequences of actions become the teaching tool. Along with love, security, and family values, reality discipline builds a child's self-image and provides a good start toward becoming a responsible, happy adult, Leman claims. Good writing and numerous anecdotes keep his text lively. Each chapter ends with a ``Words To Remember'' and ``Actions To Try'' section for easy reference. The final section is written in a question-and-answer format, grouped according to the child's age. This book is recommended as a useful addition to most parenting collections.-- Lisa J. Cochenet, Rhinelander Dist. Lib., Wis. (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.